Gracie's Journal
by violetdoodlebug
Summary: Deeks and Kensi's 15 year old daughter writes in her 'journal' about her parents' love story, which she doesn't know the first thing about. She also writes about her parents' parenting skills, which also complicate her life at times.
1. 6429

A/n: Got this idea and I am so excited. I will continue Jealousy (hopefully update today!) but here is where my fluff and drabbles shall go. Set about 15 years after season 6, Kensi and Deeks' teenage daughter writes in her journal about her parents. I want to go through her finding out about the box, the knife, the frozen lake, Jack and Afghanistan, the Decent kiss, all that fun stuff! I'd love if you'd send me prompts about what you want her to discover, or about what you want to happen to her. Like she can fall in love herself, or punch someone and get in trouble… get creative, and let me know! I think it will be fun and make a pretty neat little fanfic in the end.

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Gracie's Journal 6/4/29

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I'm living in a really complicated world.

My life is really messed up.  
Mom says I should keep a diary. I said no. We compromised. I'll write one as long as we call it a journal instead of a diary.

Gracie Marie Blye-Deeks. Mom is Kensi, Dad is Martin. They are not married. I believe this is called cohabitation. I have a screwed up hyphenated last name thanks to them. I have Mom's dark eyes and hair but Dad's curls. Dad says I act like Mom but Mom says I act like Dad. Hmph.

I'm kind of like the perfect mix of both of them, really.

We all live in this happy little house. Mostly. Because sometimes one of them (or both, for the matter) have to go into deep cover. Which really sucks, by the way, for obvious reasons. They're both NCIS agents. Kind of. Dad still works for LAPD technically. I'm not sure why though.

I keep waiting for Dad to propose. Like seriously, it's been 15 years already. Sure they're a pretty terrible couple, but they're too in love not to be together. They fight a lot. Then they whisper, usually stuff I don't understand. Something about a box, and a lake, and then sometimes a knife. He calls her Fern, she calls him Max. It usually ends with raccoons mating for life and then they have sex. Every. Single. Time. Do they think I can't hear them? It's not like I try to catch them doing this, they just happen to do it often enough that I catch them all the time. Ugh, parents. What a lovely pattern.

They're gross. They kiss a lot too. Nothing against kissing, but geez. Get a room. Preferably not mine.

Since they're in love, I asked Mom how it happened. I'm a teenager. I deserve to know how my parents got together and stuff.

She shrugged.

So I asked Dad.

He laughed. Then he shrugged.

So I approached it a different way. I asked Mom where they met. I assumed it was through NCIS.

Wrong. Mom said they met at a MMA gym. Dad confirmed.

I found myself even more confused, so I just dropped it for a while.

Uncle Callen says that their love story is the most metaphorical thing he's ever heard/seen in his life. Uncle Sam agrees.

Aunt Nell and Uncle Eric say that they were the first to figure out that Mom and Dad hooked up. They said it happened right before Mom was sent on some highly classified mission that they are not at liberty to discuss with me, even though it was over 15 years ago.

According to Aunt Nell, I was also a surprise. Really, I never would have guessed. She said Dad proposed when he found out Mom was pregnant, but Mom didn't want him to marry her just because of me, so she said no. And then, they never did it after that.

I want them to have a happy ending. I want them to get married and maybe have another kid or two that can enjoy this strange ninja assassin life with me.

I want a solid explanation for all of this. I need to know how my life got all messed up. They may be weird parents, and they may be dysfunctional. But they love me a lot and they're just so addicted to each other.

I guess this 'journal' mom wants me to write will be my journey to discovering how Mom and Dad fell in love. A little HIMYM cliché there. What can I say, I'm a fan. And maybe about my family. I have no grandfathers apparently; still don't know what happened to them. Only met one of my grandmas. Another question mark there.

Maybe I'll learn their ways, their metaphors, and their story. Maybe I'll write my own.

-Gracie.


	2. 6529

A:n/ I won't update this daily, even though I am on summer break now. I'll still be busy! This was a lucky update. About dates and facts: I am not perfect. This will not be perfect. I'm sorry, it just won't. Kensi and Deeks are going to be older. Monty will be so old. Hetty.. I'm working on Hetty. So, bear with me please. I want to keep it realistic but also it's a fictional story. Thanks ( :

And I love and appreciate your reviews!

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Gracie's Journal 6/5/29

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So today was interesting. I mean, really weird.

I have four best friends; Kathleen, Shelby, Samuel, and Clayton. We were hanging out after school. Since Mom and Dad are special agent superheroes, they don't always get done with work right at three to pick me up when school lets out. So when I got off the bus, I had my friends come over. We weren't doing anything, sitting in the living room, just hanging out. It's the last day of school, it's not like we have homework or anything better to be doing.

So Mom forgot that it was the last day of school, and flipped out when she got home and found us all messing around and wasting time.

Okay, my grades are good. Really good. Except for art. Let's not talk about art. I'm really good with numbers and sciences and even language. But Mom has this irrational fear that my grades will drop and I'll hightail it out of there and run away from home.

And I'm all like "Mom, it's the last day of school, so there won't be any homework for a while," in this ridiculously high-pitched sarcastic tone.

And Mom was all "Oh my gosh I forgot your last day of freshman year!" like it was a big deal or something.

Meanwhile, all my friends are mindlessly staring at their phone screens and tapping away.

Then Mom was like "This party is really lame, Grace."

"Not a party Mom, just friends hanging out," I replied.

Mom shook her head. "Don't you guys wanna have some fun? At least go outside."

So Mom basically kicked us out of the house, and into the backyard to have some 'fun'.

Dad was out back, taking care of the plants. Mom can't take care of them because she kills every green thing she touches. This is also her excuse for never mowing.

Dad likes my friends. He tells Mom and I that he doesn't, but he so totally does. He's uber nice to all of them. They like him. I have the 'cool' parents, apparently.

We all went to sit down on the porch and went to get back on our phones, in true teenager fashion.

And my Dad is all like, "Seriously? Mom sent you guys out here so that you wouldn't be glued to your phones."

So I'm like, "Oh well."

Suddenly, my Dad scanned the yard and spots my trampoline off in the distance. I haven't played on it for years, but its still there.

"Hey Gracie, pretty cool trampoline we got over there," Dad said with a smile.

"No, Dad," I replied, annoyed.

He cocked his head to the side. "Come on."

So I put my phone down and we raced over to the trampoline, and started to jump. Once my friends looked up from their devices, they joined in, all 6 of us jumping around like idiots. It was kind of the coolest thing ever.

So Dad sees that we're all having fun, and he goes and gets the water hose and starts spraying us and the trampoline. Giggles and laughter erupted from our backyard. He joined in once again, his weight causing the entire trampoline to shake. He had a wide smile on his face.

As I almost topple over the edge, grinning ear to ear in a laugh, I glance up to see my mother in the window, looking out at us and smiling.

It was the best afternoon I've had in a while.

Later when we were inside, I'd already taken a shower and gotten ready for bed, Mom, Dad, and I were cuddling on the couch like we did when I was younger. My hair was wet and stringy, dampening Mom's sweatshirt. I mean, Dad's sweatshirt Mom was wearing.

Mom had been smiling while we were outside, so when Dad got up to check on our ancient dog Monty, I asked her why.

"There was this case a long time ago. A little girl was under a lot of stress, she was scared. Your father distracted her while I talked to her mother by pointing out that she had a nice trampoline, and they proceeded to jump on it. He made her day, just like he made you and your friend's days today. I was just remembering that. He's a good man," Mom grinned.

"He's the best," I said.

I can't imagine life where I disliked my parents. That's supposed to be a teenage trait, but I don't see it. Some days I wish they'd grow up and leave me alone, but honestly, I love them to death.

Dad came back in frowning, with Monty on his heels. Monty isn't well. He was already several years old when I was born, but now, he doesn't have long. Mom says Dad has had Monty since forever, and that he's an old combat dog. She's worried about how Dad will take it when Monty finally dies, or worse, gets so sick that we have to put him down. Dad pulled Monty up onto the couch. Normally he isn't allowed on the couch, but I guess it's a dying dog's exception.

I'm really going to miss that mutt. I've gotten such an attachment to him.

We all sat there on the couch together, Mom, Dad, Monty, and me. Dad pressed a kiss into my forehead, his scruff tickling my skin.

It was a weird afternoon, first night of summer break. It was bittersweet. As I write, I can hear Mom and Dad in the other room. They're whispering again. I hear a light switch flip off, the rustling of dog tags, and Dad saying "Love you Kens," and Mom saying, "I love you too, Marty,"

Like I said. Been a good day.

-Gracie


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Gracie's Journal 6/6/29

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A:n/ I don't have much to say, but I appreciate your prayers rn for unspoken reasons. Reminder that I'm taking prompts on this story, and I've gotten a lot of positive response to this story so I hope you will send me some! This chapter, the box.

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So it's the first day of summer and I apparently am not allowed to stay home alone for a couple hours while Mom and Dad are at work. No, that's not the case. A few weeks ago they had a case involving a child, and now they're being overprotective again.

So there is this rule about no outsiders in the NCIS building, but there is kind of this exception for me.

I was laying on this little couch, bored out of my mind. There wasn't an active case going on. Uncle Callen and Uncle Sam came over to talk to me for a while, and then they'd go back to their paperwork.

So Aunt Nell took me to lunch with her, we went to this little smoothie truck she frequents, and the guy at the register called her 'Samantha,' and I was her 'niece'. Yeah, undercover operations.

So we drank our smoothies on the sidewalk and we talked for a little while. Aunt Nell is like the best thing ever.

"Why won't Mom and Dad tell me their love story?" I asked suddenly.

Aunt Nell shrugged. "I guess they aren't ready yet."

I was all, "But you know it, right?"

And she smiled and said, "Most of it, yes."

So I asked her why she couldn't just tell me their story. And she came back with this "Its not my story to tell," and "they'll tell you when they're ready."

We went back to NCIS and I just went back to my couch. I was SO bored! I was looking around, and I found this unopened box just lying up on the shelf… I saw no harm in getting it down and opening it.

I pulled my knife out, it's such a beautiful knife. I know I have to be my mother's daughter to call my knife beautiful. It was my 13th birthday present. It looks just like Mom's, but it's mine. It's basically my prized possession.

So I sliced open the box, and opened it up.

There was another box. So I sliced it open too, then put my knife away.

The box had a photo in a frame, Mom and Dad in a gym. They were smiling, his arm draped around her shoulder.

That's all that's in a box that size? Um, no. So I opened the frame. There was another photo behind it, one of Dad on a camel. He was smiling ear to ear, on a camel. A camel. Yeah okay I also missed the story where Dad went camel riding.

There was also a letter in the frame.

I started to read it. It was like,

Dear Deeks,

So, your birthday. I'm really sorry I forgot. I know these photos aren't a lot. But they mean a lot to me and I know they mean a lot to you too. We've come so far in our partnership this year, and I really like that. I think these photos show us being happy; and happiness is something we want most in the…

That is about when Mom and Dad walked in.

"Excuse me?" and "So that's what's in the box,"  
The box?

So apparently like a million years ago Mom forgot Dad's birthday. And so to make it up to him she bought this box, but he refused to open it because she said everything he's ever wanted was on the box. He figured if he knew that, he didn't need to open it. After that big op that's still too classified to tell me about, she opened it for him, and there was another box in it, so he just put it back on the shelf.

And then I came into the picture not too long after, and the box became forgotten.

Dad loved what was in the box after all. He said that what he wanted most in the world could not be put in a box, and he nuzzled his nose into Mom's hairline. Of course the remainder of the letter was snatched away from me before I could read the rest.

I'm kind of surprised that they weren't upset that I opened their box. Like it kind of sounded like a big deal.

I guess you win some, you lose some.

Learning a little more each day.

-Gracie.


	4. 61029

A/n: The goods, and a little bit from Gracie's personal life. What teenager only writes about her parents? Um... not me! I'll update again someday. I love getting reviews on this so much.

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Gracie's Journal 6/10/29

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Mom is mad that I haven't written in a couple days. Sorry Mom, busy dying over here.

So I had a softball game. What sucks about my school district is that the softball league is during the summer, when its 6 million degrees. Its LA, what did I expect. Uuughh. Mom and Dad try to never miss a game, and the night of the incident was no different. I play a little bit of everything. I happened to be pitching. Kathleen and Shelby are on my team, Shelby at second and Kathleen in left field. The batter, #78 Lexi McCartney, whacked that ball and I took it right off of the forehead, and went down. Apparently when I passed out, so did Clayton, who was watching on the bleachers. Dad rushed out and carried me off of the field.

I ended up in the hospital and Kathleen had to pitch for the rest of the game. When they decided I didn't have a concussion, they let me go home. I have a nasty bruise. I insisted I was fine and that no one needed to take off of work to take care of me, but Mom insisted. She found out that I hadn't written for a few days.. So here we are. She also insisted that I call Clayton, considering he passed out on me. I'm trying to determine whether or not he has a crush on me. I have been trying to determine this for a long time. Mom is not the best with boy advice, and I'd die of embarrassment before asking Dad.

So I sat through a conversation with Clayton, and we said good a lot.

"You feeling okay?"

"Yeah,I'm feeling okay. Good. You?"

"Good. I'm glad you're good."

"I'm glad you're good too."

And then Mom was like, "What is with all the goods?" And I couldn't possibly give her a solid answer to that question because I didn't know.

"Reminds me of your father and I." And that got me interested. Apparently Mom and Dad have been this awkward couple their entire relationship, and they went through this phase where they would answer each other's questions with other questions, and then go through a chorus of "I'm good if you're good"s.

I reminded Mom that Clayton wasn't my boyfriend. She tried not to laugh. I don't want a boyfriend. I still haven't successfully gotten my parents together, let alone getting myself together with another person... But this kissing thing sounds really fun and Clayton is really cute. I care about him a lot. Not that I don't care about Sam... but Clayton is different. I can't tell you what makes our friendship different than my friendship with the others. But I always wanna be close to him and talk to him and its really usually not weird to talk to him. Unless its about us or its forced. I don't know.

I looked at Mom and thought about her and Dad, and decided that I needed to find out why they weren't married. Straight up. No way out of it.

"He hasn't asked me yet."

Her voice almost cracked a little and it really hurt. Almost as if she thought for a moment that he wouldn't jump to marry her the first chance he got. I mean he did ask her once upon a time, 15 some years ago. That wasn't just because of me. It was because he loved her. Thats it. I was his excuse to ask her. She didn't see it that way. Those two really frustrate me sometimes. Maybe if I knew what was going on with them, I could nudge them along a little bit, or maybe figure out my stuff with Clayton.


	5. 61229

A/n: Gracie continues :) So, Jealousy is still going on. I'm working on a novel that's NOT fan fiction, and I'm focusing on it more, so less fan fiction time for a while. Enjoy this! Theme this time... Deeks and LAPD, girls who aren't girly, and a dab of Jack.

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Gracie's Journal 6/12/29

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Sigh.

Mom and Dad are being ridiculous again.

They finally let me stay home alone again, and so they left for work and I just moped around the house. I took my ibuprofen every 4 hours for my head, and watched Major Crimes reruns on TNT.

When they got home, they were obviously unhappy with each other, and so they took it out on me for not doing anything all day.

I mean, I just had a major head injury. I don't think that excessive activity is what I need. It's not like I'm lazy. I love athletics and sports and I clearly play softball.

I didn't want to stick around for their fight and make-up sex, and they were already mad at me, so I walked to Shelby's house.

Shelby tried every make-up product in her bag but couldn't cover up my face bruise. I shrugged, I could care less. Battle scars are cool.

I reached for my phone to text Kathleen so she could come over too.

It wasn't my phone.

I'd grabbed Mom's.

And Mom doesn't password lock her phone, ya know, so she can use it quickly during work.

So I snooped. I regret it now, but I snooped.

A lot of it was gross and boring stuff to Dad, and probably a lot of files I wasn't authorized to open. Ooops.

She had this e-mail from some dude named Jack Simon. He said he wanted to talk to her. I made a mental note to ask her who he was.

Other stuff was really pretty bring.

Shelby ended up calling Kathleen, and when she got there we watched more Major Crimes and ate pizza. And then I raided Shelby out of snack cakes.

We did what all girls do. Kind of. We aren't normal girls. We did not braid each other's hair. We didn't paint each other's nails. We shoved food in our faces.

Someone brought up Clayton. I blushed. I denied everything. They moved on. I did not want to talk about him.

About an hour and two pizzas later I got a call from Dad. Mom was not happy that I had her phone. I swore it was an accident, but I had to go home anyway.

I decided asking about Jack probably wasn't a good idea. She'd know that I snooped.

Turns out their argument had been about Dad still being LAPD. He didn't want to address that. She warned that his position could always be terminated without Hetty around.

Hetty- this legendary little lady. She's just that. A little lady. But she's getting up there in age. She's still holding her position in the OPS center, but I'm not quite sure how much longer that'll last. Mom's worried about that.

I got home in time to hear a bulk of their screaming. I was locked away in my room texting Clayton to take my mind off of them.

They're fire and ice. Literally, something about a frozen lake. Ice. Fire. Fury. Anger. Ugh. Clayton de-stressed me. He had no idea that that's what he was doing, but he did it.

Mom and Dad quit screaming. He was more or less trying to say "I love this, and us, and you,"

And she was trying to say "Then join NCIS already so we won't lose that,"

It's another one of those mysteries, like why Mom and Dad aren't married. I know Mom contributes to the problem as much as Dad does, but lately he's been taking the fall.

Monty pawed at my door. I let him in and he covered his ears with his paws.

We both hate it when Mom and Dad fight.

I decided that selfishly, Monty was sleeping with me tonight. Mom and Dad could have him back when they learned to play nice. And have quiet sex.

Gonna go lift Monty up onto the bed, I'm sure he'll be more comfortable there than on the floor.

-Gracie

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Reviews and prompts? *hint hint :)*


	6. 61329

A/n: You guys are AWESOME! The reviews, prompts, messages... this story blew up! To reward you all, I sat down and made this update happen. I am so excited and happy:) Enjoy, keep doing what yyou're doing and I'll keep this going far!

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Gracie's Journal 6/13/29

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I've felt a lot better today. The morning started well, Mom and Dad were chipper when they got ready for work. Whatever they did last night that I slept through really pulled them through.

Mom wanted to know if I was down with staying at Aunt Nell's while they went on an undercover mission. They assured me that it was one of their 'least dangerous undercover missions ever' (which they say every time they go undercover). I said I was chill with that and I said my goodbyes. It was supposed to a one night thing in some bar or club somewhere, and then I'd go back home when they got back from their hotel the next morning. So I packed my stuff in the morning, watched TV with lunch, cleaned my knife in the afternoon. Then I got this brilliant idea, to call grandma! Grandma Julia is awesome. I don't get to see her all that much, her and Mom can get into it sometimes. I know they've had a broken relationship, and they're working on mending that. Sometimes they have more setbacks than others.

Grandma and I talked for a while. She's so much like Mom, and its really neat. She's quieter. She doesn't try to make jokes she knows she can't pull off. She says she likes my Dad. She says it'll be sad when Monty dies. She says she doesn't know who Jack is. She says that if I wanted to know about Grandpa I'd have to ask Mom. She says that boys are not necessary until age 30. She's a Grandma alright. She wants another grand baby too. We decided at this point Mom and Dad were a bit too old for that. We sighed.

She asked me if I'd have Mom call her later, I told her Mom and Dad had to work late tonight. She said whenever was fine. She said she'd like to see me soon, I agreed. She told me she loved me, and we hung up.

Anyways, I realized a long time ago that there was no point in staying at Aunt Nell's when Mom and Dad went undercover. I mean, she doesn't get off of work until a bulk of the mission is taken care of anyway, so its already late. I could be in bed asleep already. But, Aunt Nell's place is pretty cool. She's got lots of fun movies from the 2000's (like, almost 2 decades ago). She's just a lot of fun.

Since Dad's not home, looks like I'll have to give Monty his medicine.

So here's the weird thing about tonight... I was getting Monty's medicine out of the cabinet and I noticed something. Mom's knife was sitting on the counter. Mom doesn't go anywhere without that knife. Heck the nurses at the hospital had to take it away from her when she went in to give birth to me. Maybe it has something to do with the op, maybe she can't have it on her? Seems strange. It's one of their 'least dangerous undercover missions ever'. What do I have to fear?

So I'm a little on edge now.

At least my head doesn't hurt.

-Gracie


	7. 61429

A/n: I'm so sorry. I almost cried writing this.

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Gracie's Journal 6/14/29

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Yeah. Okay.

Didn't quite make it to Aunt Nell's last night.

She knocks on my door at like 12:30. I'm halfway asleep, and she's banging on my door. I was pretty upset, so I scoffed and got up and obnoxiously took my time grabbing my stuff and running a brush through my hair.

She was still banging on the door, and so I opened it like "Seriously, Aunt Nell?"  
Usually she lets herself in and wakes me up gently.

That was the first sign of disaster.

I saw the look on her face and I knew.

I hurried behind Aunt Nell to the car.

She put it in drive and off we went, and I just took a few moments to let it all in. I glanced around the city, bright LA lights at night. Stinging my tearing eyes, I glanced around again and again.

"How bad are they hurt?"

Aunt Nell's voice cracked. She said "It's not they."

It was Mom.

I tried, I tried really hard to find out what happened. But my head was spinning and I was scared and I was trying not to be but when we got to the hospital and I saw Dad all dressed up for their op with tears in his eyes I just couldn't do it anymore.

I ran over to Dad and I hugged the tar out of him and he squeezed me tightly and he sniffled in my ear.

She was stabbed. Right in the stomach. And she was not okay. She'd gotten in close quarter combat with some Russian terrorist in a bar. She went to reach for her knife. It wasn't there. Dad crouched down and grabbed my hands and talked to me like I was a little kid. "We're going to be okay," he said, but we both knew that we would indeed not be okay.

I held on to my Daddy like a whining little kid.

I was too young to lose my Mom. I still need her. She was too young to die. I thought about how Grandma was losing her daughter and she never got to call her. I thought about how she never got to wear a wedding dress and marry the man she was so desperately in love with. I thought about her struggles to become who she was and how I loved her and how I wish we all lived in different circumstances.

And I just held on to Dad.

And the doctor came out and I didn't want to listen to him because I knew, I just knew that he was going to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry for your loss, mam" and then something to Dad about his loss and I just couldn't hear it because that meant she was gone...  
But instead, the words he said I will never forget.

"I have no idea how she survived."

And Dad and I both did this double take thing and I wiped the hell out of my eyes but I was still crying somehow and the doctor kept talking to Dad and I was so lost in my head that I can't even remember know what all played out.

And look at me, I can't even use propper grammar right now.

They had Mom in recovery. She lost a whole lot of blood. She didn't look like herself laying in that hospital bed. She was in a hospital gown now and an IV in her arm and padding around her stomach.

The harsh artifical lights and the anxiety was worsening my headache. Dad was curled up in a chair by Mom's side just staring at her.  
He looked over at me. "I told you we'd be okay."

His voice sounded so weak.

It was a bad time, but I totally said it anyway.  
"Maybe you should look at this like a wake up call, Dad." And he pretended to have no idea what I was talking about, but lets be honest. The look in his eyes told me everything. He knew exactly what I was talking about.

The nurses kept coming in and checking on her, and they said they wouldn't mind if I hopped in bed and layed next to her and closed my eyes to sleep a little, as long as I was careful not to touch her wound. I didn't want to hurt her, so I was hesitant. Dad got back in the room from calling Grandma Julia, and he heard the nurses tell me I could do it, and said, "Go ahead, why don't you? You'll be the first face she wants to see when she wakes up."

She slept it off for a while. I don't want to think about this anymore. Starting to get teary again thinking about it. Maybe tomorrow.

-Gracie

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If you're still alive I'd love your input. I'll update probably in the wee hours of the morning so I don't have to dwell on this any longer.


	8. 61529

A/n: See, I said wee hours of the morning.

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Gracie's Journal 6/15/29

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So where was I? Sleeping it off. Right.

She slept it off until around 8 or 9. She woke up and she was in a lot of pain. I could tell, because she didn't say it but it was the way her forehead wrinkled up when she moved.

She told me she was fine. Like, really fine. She said she couldn't die. That wasn't option for her.

But like, could hear it in her voice.  
She was scared. This was a really close call. She was aware that she in fact was not invincible and that she would one day die and everything that made our family us would disappear into oblivion. And it sucked.

We had like, a family cry session. We weren't full on crying, but it was teary eyes and emotions and silence and deep breaths.

Grandma came in and ran her hands through her daughter's hair and had lots of hugs for me.

I texted the girls to let them know why I wouldn't be at practice today. I couldn't play, but I still needed to be at practice if I could be there.

They freaked out. And Clayton heard it through the grapevine. He called me and I could hear the sympathy in his voice.

He lost his dad when he was 12. And its been hell on him, and he knows what it's like. He wanted to know if I was okay.  
And I'm not a liar but I am my mother's daughter. I do not admit when I am not okay.

But I admitted it to Clayton.

And he asked if he could come see me and I said that he could.

The team members were all in and out, checking on their Kensi. Uncle Callen and Sam possessively loved on her with their dry humor.

Dad kind of detached. His mind was elsewhere, thinking hard  
and reminiscing.

Meanwhile, I worked on my story.

Since my friends can't know about NCIS, I need an excuse for how Mom got stabbed. Believe it or not it's hard to come up with a scenario where my mother gets almost fatally stabbed.

But when Clayton finally got to the hospital, he didn't ask any questions. He had flowers, a little vase for Mom and he pulled one out for me. I could feel my cheeks flush, but then he suggested we walk and I layed my flower down and we walked.

We went down hallways and floors of the hospital in silence. He asked me if I wanted to talk about it, and for a moment I did, but then I just couldn't open up to him in this way. He couldn't know about NCIS and I just couldn't explain it.

But then he said, "It's okay to talk about things. Especially with me."  
And once I started talking, the built up emotions I'd been hiding started creeping out in bits. It was slow, and I wasn't even able to censor myself.

I'm pretty sure I said something along the lines of "When I found out, I just couldn't accept that she was dead. I kept thinking about all the missed opportunities she had, how she devoted her life to her job but not to herself, and how she wasn't prepared to die and that it was too early and that she was in love  
but never just eloped and denied herself that happiness to just be in love. And I wanted that for her, so bad." *que the crying again* "But now she's not dead and things are going to go right back to the way they were before."

And I felt so guilty, and he could see it in my eyes. His dad was dead, and I was crying because my Mom was alive and things were going to go back to normal.

But he looked at me and stopped me and told me not to start that crap with him because this was a different situation. And he told me that I couldn't control my parents and their choices were their choices. And all of the sudden he was holding my hand and saying "Grace, just like your mom, you deny yourself happiness too. You live for them and forget to live for you."

Can one be attracted to a voice? The way he said Grace hummed in my eardrums.

Yep, man of my dream standing two feet in front of me and I am a hormonal mess of a girl with tears pouring out of my face.  
But he pulled me into his arms anyway and rubbed circles into my back and told me to let it out.

Yes. I'm my mother's daughter. I look like her and I act like her and I feel like her. We both spend so much time thinking about what we don't know and never see what's actually there.

Clayton walked me to the ladies' room where I composed myself before returning me to Mom's room.  
He stayed for a while. He asked Mom how she was feeling and she smiled at him. Dad quit acting quite so strange and joined the rest of us for a little while. He bought some cookies from the vending machine and we shared them.

Clayton finally left with strict instructions that I was to take care of myself and call him if I needed him, or even if I didn't think I needed him, but might want him.  
I don't know where Mom and Dad are headed now. But it's not up to me. They need to do this themselves.

I don't know where I stand with Clayton. It's like we've come so far, yet there's still something big in between us, like we're on opposite sides of a pond or a lake.

I guess we'll all be walking slowly for a while.

* * *

Oh, by the way we will address why Kensi left her knife at home.

I LOVE reviews!


	9. 61629

A/n: This time: A little generational reference and the moment Deeks knew he was in love with Kensi. ㈎3

* * *

Gracie's Journal 6/16/29

* * *

This is a crime against humanity.

So Mom's still in the hospital, and I'm here with her. Dad's been called back to work to take care of the paperwork from this op gone wrong. Meanwhile, Hetty gave Aunt Nell some time off to be with Mom and me.

So we were channel surfing, and there was this station playing old movies, and this one came on from like 2014, and Aunt Nell SWORE it was going to be a good movie.

IT SUCKED.

Apparently its called 'The Fault in Our Stars' and there's these two kids and they have cancer and they fall in love and one of them dies.. IT WAS NOT A GOOD MOVIE OKAY? OKAY.

So I got all mad at Aunt Nell for making me watch that because it was plain devastating. She thought it was funny how I was reacting.

Mom was kind of out of it, I mean she was there and she was awake but her head was somewhere else. I wanted to ask her why she forgot her knife. I wanted to ask her so many things.

But I knew she was already beating herself up over the knife incident. She knew what her mistake almost cost.

The truth is, there is no real reason why Mom forgot her knife. She simply did. It would take a long time for her physical wound to heal, and even longer for her to trust herself again.

Mom made Dad and I go home. She said he needed real sleep and that the hospital was no place for me.

He and I shared their bed. It was so peaceful sleeping all snuggled up to Dad. With his eyes closed, he said "I think I'm gonna do it Gracie Marie. Ask your Momma to marry me one more time."

I forgot to speak, I just grinned. I was tired, and those words were practically fantasies.

"If she turns me down this time, then I'm done trying. But, I should give it one more go."

And he explained all the reasons why its a terrible idea and then he explained that he's loved her all along and he was just rambling on and on.

I listened.

I realized Dad sucked at communicating.

"Dad, your communication skills suck." I said. And he was all,

"Isn't the first time I've heard that one."

Apparently Mom told him that a lot.

So I asked Dad boldly, "When was the moment you knew you were in love with Mom?'

He smiled a gruff and enchanting smile.

And he told me this crazy story about biological clocks and partner surveys and cryogenically frozen heads.

It all ended with what she smelled like.

Dad realized Mom smelled like sunshine and gunpowder two of his favorite things. And it sank in right there that he was in love with this magnificent women named Kensi Marie Blye.

And I was all, "So basically the moral of this story is that you two have always been this crazy."

And he begged to differ, saying they were crazier before they made a "mutant ninja assassin" together.

We were laughing and he was tickling me. And suddenly he stopped and got real serious and told me "Whether your Mom and I get married or not, you are still the center of our world. You have been since the day your mother drug me into the doctor with her to see your little peanut shaped body on a tiny black and white screen. Heck, before then. From the day your mother told me she was pregnant. We love you. We will always love you."

"You'll always love each other too, right?" I asked.

"I'll always love her, and I think I'm right to believe she'll always love me."

I think he's right too.

-Gracie

* * *

About updates: I'm trying to update often, as this is a journal. It would be weird if she wrote in her journal and it wasn't timely. If you get what I'm saying.

THANKS for the reviews. Still loving to incorporate your ideas when I can.


	10. 61729

A:n/ Final hospital day for Kensi! Clayton set backs, Kensi's POV on her ' abusive tendency', and jello.

* * *

Gracie's Joural 6/17/29

* * *

Mom and I are starting to irritate one another.

Its like putting her in a room with herself for 24 hours.

It doesn't work.

I love her. I love her. I love her. But GOSH. Give it a rest. She wants to go home and the hospital says one more day just to make sure. She wants to be all bad-ass and its hard to do that when they only let her stand up to go to pee.

I was happy that Clayton texted me to see how I was doing, because Mom was on another rant about me eating her jello cup while she was in the bathroom.

He came and we walked again, this time not about my drama. just about whatever came to mind. He was all, "Your bruise is almost gone," *swipes hair out of my eyes with his hand, examining my eye, letting me melt under his touch* and I was all "Yeah, almost gone."

And he was all, "You never called," and I was all, " I didn't need anything, " and he was all "You didn't want anything either?"

And I realized I hurt him in that moment. I mean, granted it was one day that I didn't call. But, I guess that doesn't make it not hurt.

His eyes told a different story than his mouth did. "It's alright," he said. But I told him it wasn't okay, and that I was really sorry I didn't call. I told him about how I was spending time with Dad and Aunt Nell and how I just took a little space but it had nothing to do with him.

I felt like that hurt him too. Maybe I'm a grenade, like that stupid The Fault in Our Stars thing Aunt Nell made me watch.

Still haven't forgiven her for that yet, either.

Then he said four dreaded words,"Maybe I should go,"

And I jabbed him in the arm, hard.

He was all, "Um, ouch? Gracie?"

My eyes went wide and my hands went shaky. I started apologizing, because I had no idea where that came from. Like, it was out of nowhere, for no reason, besides that he wanted to leave.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Don't know why we do this Grace." He frowned.

I kind of interpreted that as 'why the heck do I like a freak like you'.

But I guess it could have been more of a 'why are we so screwed up.' Guess I'll never know, cause I never asked.

"I'd tell you to call me, but I don't think there's a point."

Ouch. That one was like a knife to my gut.

So that's when I retreated back Mom, who was all chipper and eager to know about how it went.

But she recognized the look on my face.

I climbed back up next to her and asked if she'd ever hurt dad.

She said she hurt him a lot along the way, and she stroked my hair. I asked how, and she explained how she had this thing of just punching him all the time, when he was undercover, being stupid, on an op, you name it. And she found that that did not work out. Because of that terrible communication I learned about yesterday, he didn't get that she punched him as affection. it wasn't always affection, sometimes frustration, or just a term of endearment. Sometimes out of anger even, but a lot of time, out if love.

Regardless, it was her abusive tendency and he didn't like it, and she grew up and learned to control it. She found what he needed, they met each other somewhere along those lines.

When Mom finished talking, I had this vague idea of what I'll tell Clayton when I call him tomorrow.

I can't wait to bring Mom home too. She'll be so ready. She is so ready.

-Gracie

* * *

Hmm... what shall I tackle next? I don't think you're going to love me. Proposal, or interuption? Hmmmm. Reviews are great!


	11. 61829

A:n/ Let's get this straight. Proposal or interuption? WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION. Goodness gracious guys! No way. We aren't going to run the race before the horse gets to the track. I love the excitement and enthusiasm, but sorry. I promise a lot of fun Densi to come, but more angst. And humor. Don't forget humor. I promise a lot. Keep up your awesomeness, readers.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 6/18/29

* * *

Mom is home! On strict bed rest orders, but she's at least in a new environment. She will be content for a few hours.

Only a few hours, though.

Because see, she's gonna be home for a week before they'll let her go back to work. Even then she'll be on desk work only. And that means hell for us all.

Since she's got the time off, she's got an agenda. She wants to catch up on her TV shows. She wants to spend time with me. She wants her mom to come teach her how to cook. She wants to clean. I never thought I'd see the day Mom wants things clean.

So I suggested that she start by cleaning her inbox. And then I could lean over her shoulder and be all, "Who's Jack?"

But that back fired. Hard.

She did NOT want to talk about this Jack person. No no. She was kind of mad, deleted the email and just got in a mood.

I retreated to my room to call Clayton. He was really suprised I called.

And I was all, "I know how to fix us."

He was like, "Oh really?"

I said "We just gotta talk about it."

And it was like I could hear him frown through the phone. "You don't really like to talk about that kind of stuff, Grace. We've never really talked about that kind of stuff."

"Maybe I can be better at talking about this." was what I said, and he came back with "This is?"

And I was, "Whatever this is."

So maybe this is a figure of my imagination, because he obviously had no clue what I was talking about. I thought we were finally on the same page about something. Of course not.

And I guess that maybe he doesn't feel that way about me. I could always just be hallucinating. Maybe my life is a hallucination. That would make so much more sense.

I want love to be simple.

Speaking of love, Dad's gonna wait a few days on the proposal. She turned him down before because she thought it was because of me, and he doesn't want to run the risk her turning him down again because she thinks he's asking her because she almost got stabbed to death.

Okay, so I went back to the living room. Mom was laying on the couch grumbling into the phone and profusely rubbing her temple, and then said "love you too, bye".

So I attended to my ailing mother, asking her if she was okay and what not.

She looked over at me.

I had a feeling this sketchy Jack figure was a problem causer.

He most definitely was. Or is, possibly.

So she told me that we'd have a talk after I helped her to a shower.

She said "It's best to tell you now before this all blows up in our faces," and when that scared me she said, "for better wording, I'd rather tell you myself than let you find out on your own or through the grapevine."

I just grabbed her a towel, and now I'm just waiting. Anxiously, waiting.

Maybe Jack is like, an old he's a spy. I wonder how Dad's involved with all of this. I wonder what it has to do with me.I have a lot of wonders right now.

Mom's about done. Better go.

-Gracie


	12. 61929

A:n/ So last update I had a big typo. I do most of this mobile so its hard to edit that, so the sentence should have said "Maybe he's an old partner. Maybe, he's a spy."

Well, here ya go.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 6/19/29

* * *

I have no idea what to feel right now. I feel slightly numb right now.

Because if I see that man, he's going to regret his entire life.

I'll kick him so hard he'll never physically be able to have any other kids.

Nobody gets to break my Momma's heart and disrespect her that way.

So this Jack idiot was an honorable man, a marine. And I know Mom says this legendary DC Agent Gibbs says there is no such thing as an ex-marine, I think there actually is. Because this jerkface is not an honorable man.

Anyway, he and Mom were engaged. Like to be married, engaged. But guess what? He left her, on Christmas. What kind of person leaves their fiancé on Christmas?

She says he wasn't in his right mind. He had PTSD. She was all grabbing my hand and trying not to cry and it was just terrifying.

And then I found out about that highly classified mission I'd never been told about. And how this Jack guy was gonna get taken out by the CIA and Hetty sent Mom to execute him and then she didn't...

So he fell in love with someone else and they had a daughter. And that daughter is a problem now apparently.

She's being held over at NCIS, apperently she's a threat to national security somehow. Terrorism. And her father is NOT happy.

Take it now she's like a 25 year old girl and she should be able to take care of herself, but this Jack figure is insistant upon talking to Mom. Like Mom's gonna do something to help simmer down this situation. How much stupider can this guy get?

There's more to this story than Mom's letting on. And I asked for the rest, because I just need to know what the hell is going on.

But Mom had teary eyes and I just didn't want to push her so when she was all, "I will tell you, because you need to be aware of these things, but just not today, okay honey?"

Her voice cracked and I just couldn't.

I gave Mom a hug.

She just didn't seem angry at Jack, which I don't understand. But I guess she's had time to face this, and accept. Plus she's got Dad, who's kind of like the best thing she ever allowed into her life.

And I just can't believe there's a man on this planet who would just do that kind of thing to my mother. I guess it kind of reinforces how her and Dad's relationship is all about trust. She's got to know she can trust him at the end of the day, not to hurt her or leave her.

Why. Aren't. They. Married. Yet?!

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

Soon. Dad will propose soon.

So apparently this daughter of Jack's who's name I can't spell and Jack were just sitting over at NCIS waiting on Mom. Dad said no. Mom said yes.

Mom isn't allowed to drive and since Dad said no, Aunt Nell came and picked us up. I packed my bags and went to Kathleen's house. I wanted a peaceful and relaxing sleepover, and Kathleen wasn't doing anything.

We had a really good time, and I figured Mom and Dad weren't in any more danger than I was if they were just sitting there talking and interrogating.

So I tried to forget about them. And it didn't work. I was so distraught that Kathleen straight up asked me if I was okay.

I said I found out my Mom was engaged but broke it off, and made up some lame story about how if they'd have gotten married I would have never been born and how totally depressing that would be.

And Kathleen was like, " Yeah, totally depressing." and then she was like, "But that's a load of crap, you're terrible at lying."

She didn't push. I was glad.

Today's been pretty decent. Kathleen's mom dropped me off at home. I've been home all day. Mom and Dad will hopefully be home soon. Especially if they've gotten this Jack problem behind them. Maybe they'll talk. That's seemed to help before.

Mom will still be home for a week. This little work interruption does not mean she won't be home for a while.

I've got some stuff to do before Mom and Dad get home. I better get on that. I just heard a car door shut.

Okay I peeked out the window and it's Uncle Eric's car.

After what just happened, this makes me very nervous. Got to go. Uh oh.

-Gracie

* * *

The torture will come, in time. Just not yet.


	13. 62029

A:n/ This entry, Jack Jack Attack, (my tumblr followers will know what I am talking about.) a taste of Frozen Lake, his side of the abusiveness, and one angry Momma Kensi.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 6/20/29

* * *

Uncle Eric has always been rather awkward with me. He's all cool when its Aunt Nell and me, but just me? He's an awkward mess.

He doesn't realize that because I am a teenager that does not mean I'm not like just another person. I'm not too cool for him, I'm not over hormonal, (well, usually,). But seriously. He's just trying too hard.

He came to the door and I looked at him in fear, and he awkwardly and promptly explained that there was no danger to my parents, but that it was gonna be a late night. He came to get me because Aunt Nell was busy. I got a book, my journal, my phone charger, my knife, a pillow and blanket, and my earbuds.

Uncle Eric tried to make small talk in the car. I ended up defusing the awkwardness by getting him to talk about The Fault in Our Stars, which is apperently a movie he and Aunt Nell 'love'.

There's got to be something going on between those two. Seriously.

Then it was his video games, that I knew nothing about, and well, I love Uncle Eric, but I was glad when we got to the boatshed.

The boatshed is like the secret interrogation zone that I've only been to on a few occasions. Once , when Mom and Dad had major threats on their lives, they held me here for a while for protection. I lived in here for like 3 days, and it totally sucked. The other time was when Mom and Dad were undercover and it was a super big deal. Another night here.

So I got here and I found the couch and I started making my bed, and grabbed my book and I got ready to settle down. I was just about to put my earbuds in when...

this man walked out of their little interrogation room.

Stupid me.

So the guy looks at me, and walks over to me, and points at me kind of.

"You look like, Kensi." he said.

I smiled, of course. It's a privilege to have someone say I look like my mother, because you know, my Mom's kind of beautiful.

"Yeah, I would. She is my mother..."

"Kensi has a daughter?" he shouted.

That's probably the point I should have figured it out... but I did not.

"Yep, I am. Who are you?" I asked.

He said his name was Jack Simon.

I clocked him in the left eye and kicked him so hard that he was on the ground in the fetal position in less that 2 seconds.

"Grace Marie!" I heard my mother yell, at the same time I saw Callen and Sam high-five in thr corner. Someone supported me.

Mom was pissed that I punched him. She should have seen in coming. I'm grounded, by the way. Apparently I can't go through life kicking people I don't like in the balls.

Now that I'm thinking about it, this reminds me of the Incredibles, another old Pixar movie from Aunt Nell's house. There's this kid, Jack. He's all superpowers and whatnot. JACK JACK ATTACK.

Like, he's Jack. I attacked him. I don't think Mom will find that humorous. I'm telling her anyway.

Mom made me apologize. Apologize. To that man.

But Dad came over and told me that I shared my mother's affection for kicking people in the groin and punching them.

His side of my mother's abusive nature.

She punched him at every chance she got. It started kind of playfully and he treated it that way, but enough got to be enough.

He was talking about this time where he didn't take the shot when he should have and blah and she clocked him right on the nose and walked away. He was talking about hiw the pressure was on them and they were confused and everything was awkward I was all, "Why were you guys being awkward? You're never awkward."

And he mysteriously and anxiously said, "Well this has been fun, better get back to work now," and got up to head back to the interrogation.

I have no clue but it's probably something I don't want to know.

So I plugged my earbuds into my phone finally... and Mom shows up and confiscates my phone with a scowl.

Once she was gone I pulled my 8th generation I-Pod out of my pocket. Come on Mom, you can't outsmart me.

I'm tired. It's been a long, weird day.

-Gracie

* * *

Frozen Lake reference? Like the torture, coming soon :)


	14. 62129

A:n/ Not a lot revealed this chapter but something fun is coming!

* * *

Gracie's Journal 6/22/29

* * *

Being grounded sucks. Mom confiscated my phone, internet rights, and even my journal. And I argued that I promised I'd write a journal but her reading it was not a part of the deal. She swore she wouldn't read it. I think she kept that promise because I feel like she'd be having a talk with me if she had read it.

Plus she'd know about Dad. That would also be a problem.

He's starting to plan for that and I'm so excited and giddy.

Back to my grounding... Mom and Dad have been arguing about my punishment. He says that it wad Jack after all and that my actions were dignified. Mom said that it didn't matter that it was Jack and that it was wrong.

In the end Dad won out. I get my phone back tomorrow, and I got my journal back today.

What kind of punishment was takong my journal anyway? Mom's the one who wanted me to keep it in the first place.

Grrrr.

I'm not sure what transpired from the night with Jack and his daughter. When I woke the next morning, they were gone. But Dad and Mom were wrapped up in assorted blankets on the floor in front of my couch. It was kind of adorable.

Hetty gave them the day off to sleep and recoop. They went hime and slept for most of the day. I watched Major Crimes until they made me work on cleaning and stuff.

Mom also made me clean out the DVR because she can't stand Major Crimes or any crime show because they aren't accurate. All she wants to watch is Top Model. They don't even make that show anymore. I mean they don't make Major Crimes anymore either, but the reruns are on TNT and I just love them.

So then today Dad went back in to work and Mom and I stayed home.

We didn't do a lot since I was grounded of course, and I complained about not being able to talk to Clayton and the girls and she rolled her eyes.

We tried to make lunch but it kind of ended in disaster. There were peaches slabbed on the ceiling and strawberry jam on the toaster and peanut butter on the refrigerator. We were laughing so hard that when Grandma walked in she found us lying on the kitchen floor and the food all over the place... she was not happy.

We got to work on cleaning it up and Mom told me a lot of jokes about how Dad says she can't cook. Grandma seconded that.

Grandma went into this tangent about how much she really liked 'Marty' and how we should be able to cook a nice meal for him.

Mom and I just laughed. Obviously not. I took a shower and Grandma cooked us lunch and when Dad finally came home he had no idea of the mess we made. Until he asked Mom what was on the ceiling. We kind of forgot to wipe the ceiling down.

Dad went out into the backyard and said there was something digging around out there. He said he would get down to the bottom of it. He also brought Mom some flowers in and she was totally swooning.

I winked at Dad and he smirked. Okay, he was setting her up.

So yep. Phone back tomorrow. Grandma is going to work on getting Mom in the kitchen. Dad's going to figure out what's in the backyard. That's about all I know.

But I'm hungry to know more. Finding out Mom had a fiance? Come on what other secrets are they keeping from me?

-Gracie

* * *

reviews? °*°


	15. 62329

A/n: Today I write to you very distressed. GRRR.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 6/23/14

* * *

Well, guess what we have in the backyard?

Raccoons.

Dad came in cracking up laughing, and Mom was all, "Deeks, what's going on?"

And he was all "Kens you are never going to believe what we have in the backyard."

When he said raccoons she started doing this cackling snort laugh thing and it was so scary, but she collapsed into his arms in laughter.

He was like, "I thought you said you weren't going to laugh like that again?" which sent her into another fit of hysterical laughter.

I was obviously missing out on the inside joke here, so I was over on the couch with Monty like, "Hello? Confused one in the room?"

That's how I found out about Paul Angelo.

Turns out after Mom's big classified Afghanistan mission Hetty made Mom and Dad interrogate this crazy dude named Paul Angelo, who'd gone into deep cover and was suspected of being a traitor. He realized Mom and Dad were a little more than partners. He wanted to use this against them, so he used some funky analogy with three hearts.

So everyone has three hearts. One heart you expose to everyone. The second one you show to friends and family and people you love. But the third heart, its the one that makes you vulnerable. You aren't supposed to show it to anyone. Dad told much of this story glancing lovingly at my mother.

Dad took a lot of this Angelo dude's speech to heart, (not making a pun there) which is exactly what he wanted Dad to.

Then he brought up the raccoons. And I kind of got lost in this part, maybe because it was so strange and maybe because it just didn't make sense, but they ended up talking about how raccoons mate for life.

Which, in retrospect, makes a lot of sense considering its one of their favorite phrases for make-up sex. They're the raccoons. They'll mate for life. They are together for life. Like I said, it got creepy and gross so fast.

So I was all, "Hold up, science doesn't back that statement."

Dad was all, "Contrary to hundreds of years of scientific evidence, I believe that raccoons do mate for life."

You could tell that Mom was really turned on by that statement and that she was struggling to not rip clothes off of him.

"I'm gonna go take Monty on a walk, and then we're going to go to my room for a long time..." I said, grabbing the dog leash. "Mom, remember that you're injured."

I don't know what happened, I don't want to know what happened after I left. I didn't see or hear from them for the rest of the night. I considered that a plus.

While I was walking Monty, slowly because the poor guy couldn't move very quick, I called and talked to Clayton. I asked if he ever heard about having three hearts. He asked what I meant, and I explained it like Dad had explained it to me. He said that he's never heard such a thing, but it sounded very me like.

I didn't even try to hide that I knew what he was getting at.

"But I told you I'd be willing to talk about this."

"But you didn't say what this is."

"Us."

"Excuse me, can you say that again, there was some noise and barking and..."

"Us."

"There we go," he said.

"I hate you," I said.

"No you don't," he relied.

We hung up with no clue what we were doing or what we were admitting to. But we were closer to something than nothing, even if it was just a deeper friendship.

Tired, so is Monty. Peace out, world.

-Gracie

* * *

Shout out to lovedanniruah who has Little Gracie. The stories don't connect, and I didn't steal her name on purpose.

We decided our Gracie's are 'twining'.

Let's be honest. I named Gracie after my friend's dog.


	16. 62529

A/n: Sorry no update last night. I had a great day and lots of good things happened but I didn't feel well and went to bed kinda early. Here's a longer update, hopefully to make up for it. Here's another tearjerker, beware.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 6/25/14

* * *

Its the wee hours of the morning. I'm really upset.

So tonight was my first night back at softball. Coach didn't want me to play since I hadn't practiced since the incident. ut when Laura, who'd done most if the pitching in my absence, had to leave halfway through the game because her Mom had gone into labor, Coach put me in.

I did well. I pitched well. I could hear Samuel and Clayton  
whistling and clapping, like the idiots they are.

I walked one girl. And it was because I hit her with a pitch. Oops.

We won the game 19-7. Not even close.

After Shelby, Kathleen, the guys and I talked, I headed out toward Mom and Dad. Dad gave a high-five, and he was smiling. He was pretty proud of me when I did sporty things. I kind of think he  
wanted a boy, but he got close enough when he got me.

Mom was equally smiley, and we walked out of the park and toward the car.

My mind kept going to Laura and her little sibling who'd be born soon. I started to wonder about me, and what led up to me.

Besides that the nurses had to take the knife away from my Mom and that I was a surprise, I know nothing.  
Therefore, I said "So, tell me about what led up to me. What made you two get together to make me?"

Dad was alarmed and confused by my question, but it seemed like Mom had a feeling this would come up when Laura's situation arose.

"Well, he'd gotten beer and take out and we were eating it on his couch, and then I was going to go home. But, he asked me if I'd stay.  
And I, well, I stayed." Mom said.

I wanted to ask how many times they'd done it before I came along, but I didn't. Because either the number was disgustingly large or suprisingly small.

"You know how I found out about you? Your Mom tried to go undercover in a bar without ordering alcohol. Okay, when you go undercover in a bar you order the alcohol, but you fake drink so that you stay sober for  
the op. But no. Your mother wouldn't even touch the glass," Dad said.

"I just wanted you to be healthy," Mom said defensively.

"I do recall that once you'd given birth you asked the nurse for your knife and a beer," Dad said.

"Hey after 7 hours of labor you'd want your judgement clouded too," she said, "Plus I hadn't had a beer in 9 months, you try that sometime."  
I was laughing so hard through their conversation! But...

I asked a question I regret now, knowing the answer.

"Do you guys wish you had another kid?"

Mom and Dad got quiet.

"I wish we'd had another baby," Mom said, glancing at Dad.

Dad glanced back at her, eyes  
wide.

"I didn't know you wanted another baby," he said.

"I mean, having Gracie was the hardest thing I did in my life. Having a baby that depends on you for everything, it wears you out. But I mean, I had you to lean on and you were always there for me. You've been an amazing father. I always figured we'd get to have another kid together. We just didn't," Mom said quietly.  
It was so sad. I felt like crying for  
her. Dad reached across the console and rubbed her shoulder.

"I'm sorry baby, I didn't know that that's what you wanted. I would have loved to have another kid with you," he said.

I wanted to disappear and to be somewhere else, far away...

"Its not your fault. I didn't communicate my feelings clearly, and I'm not going to blame you for that," she said.  
Awe.  
When we got home Mom and Dad got out of the car and he took her in his arms, and they hugged for a long time. I went in to took little Monty out. His breathing was shallow. I knew.

I went out to get Dad. He ran in and saw the little guy struggling to breath.

Dad's face fell.  
We carried him to the car and drove like crazy to the vet. Monty lay on my lap, and I ran my  
fingers through his thick head fuzz. He gasped and wheezed.

We got him into the vet.

The vet did not have very good news.

Monty was going to die and there was nothing anybody could do about it.

The vet said we could take him home and let nature take it's course, but it would be more humane to put him down.  
And as much as I knew Dad wanted to take Monty back home, he loved him too much to let him die in pain. We took a moment with our scruffy mutt, I let him lick my cheek with his rough slobbery tongue.

Mom and I stepped back. Dad stayed by Monty through it all. I stayed glued to Mom's hip through it all.

I'm supposedly 15 years old but I felt like I was 5.  
And the hardest thing in the world is watching your parents cry.

Monty took his last breath and Dad buried his head in Monty's fur.

* * *

When we got home, everyone was quiet. There was no Monty, no little kids. We were alone, just the three of us.

I gave Dad a hug, a really big one. He was sniffling and he said,  
"Thank you Gracie," and then "It's late, run get a shower and get in bed."

I turned Dad loose, and Mom took him next. They were both hurting.

When I got out of the shower they were entangled on the couch, asleep. How they managed to get in that position at their age, I'll never comprehend.

But they needed one another. They needed closeness, and it  
looks as if they're getting what they need.

I snuck around the table, and I found a box on the floor.  
A jewelry box.

I picked it up, seeing that it could have fallen out of Dad's pocket in the position he was in.

It was a wedding ring.  
Grandma's wedding ring.  
It was so beautiful.

I took the box back to my room,  
so Mom wouldn't find it laying on the floor.

I kept looking at it, it was so beautiful.

I took the box apart, and a half sheet of folded up paper lay in the bottom of the box.

_Kens, I love you. You and our daughter are the two most beautiful women on this planet. We've been together for over 20 years as partners, and over 15 as a thing. But I've never gotten to have the privilege of making you my wife. It's been 15 years too long, and I don't want to waste anymore time. So what do you say, will you marry me?_

Heart. Melted.

I folded it back up and put the ring in the box, I set it on the desk. I have to make sure I get it back to Dad.

I'm so tired but I can't sleep and I'm sad and I just wish my parents didn't have any regrets. I  
already miss Monty.

I'm not religious. Mom and Dad rarely go to church. But I believe in God and I hope that when I grow up, I'll learn more about Him. But right now, I'm just praying that He'll make this right somehow, that He'll give Mom and Dad a chance and a blessing, and that something will grow from this garden of sadness.

-Gracie.


	17. 62629

A/n: Taking care of some housekeeping this entry. THANK YOU to all of my usual reviewers, you guys are great! Thanks to ncisnewbie for catching a few things I miss along the way. Guest reviewers: I so often want to say something to you but I can't! Please review under an account if you can.

So if you are familiar with my other story Jealousy... about that. I'm in a rough spot. Let me know if you want me to continue that and finish that up, or no? If there isn't interest I'm not going to do it for a long while. Because well, its not coming along. I'm sure if I just sit down and write it it'll flow right onto the page like word vomit, (um what did I just say) but I've gotta have a reason to do it. So let me know.

I think that's about all? I made you sad last time, lets see how many people I make happy with this one. Record your thoughts in the review box :)

OH! Somehow along the lines I reached over 100 reviews! SWEET!

* * *

Gracie's Journal 6/26/29

* * *

I swear God is real and He heard my prayers and oh my goodness He is good.

I spent most of the day in my room sulking over the loss of my pup. Dog. Old dog. But he was my puppy and I loved him. This dog and I'd spent 15 years bonding and sharing my crazy parents. And now he was gone.

I know Mom was fond of the little mutt, but I don't think she quite understood how attached to him  
I'd gotten, how attached to him I still am.

She tried to get me to do this and that and help her make whatever the recipe of the day Grandma had sent her was, but I just wasn't into it.

It was about 6 when she finally realized there was something really wrong with me and she came in my room to see what I was doing.

She sat down on the edge of my  
bed and talked to me and tried to get me to tell her what was wrong.

When she realized that wasn't going to get her anywhere, she got up and floated toward my desk. She picked up my journal, started flipping through the pages, not long enough to read any of them but long enough to see I'd been writing in it.

"You like writing in this?" she asked me.  
I shrugged, "It's okay. I guess. I mean it's not like you're giving me a choice,"

"You'll be glad you did this," she said, "You know, you've been asking about things a lot lately. Why don't I give you the journal my Dad gave to me? He's your grandfather and I've never been very able to tell you about him, but I'd really like for you to know what happened. I really think you're wanting to know things that I should have told you a long time ago, but they're just hard for me to talk about. Maybe the journal would explain most of it, and I can answer any questions you have, from the journal and about what he was like and such."

I nodded. Mom was starting to let me into her past and I was really excited. I do want to know about my grandpa, BOTH of them. But, Mom's dad will do for now.

Here's where it gets good. And loud.  
She set my journal down. I heard Dad's car door shut. I figured Mom would leave my room then.

But her eye glanced down to the little jewelry box.

"What's this?"

Gulp.

She picked it up and opened it.

"Why do you have my Mother's wedding ring?"  
Gulp again.

"GRACE MARIE!"

You do not lie to your parents when they are federal agents and detectives. Mom might be a terrible liar. But she can always tell when I am lying to her.

"I found it!" I shouted.

"You found it? Where?!"

"On the living room floor!"  
Okay, Mom was livid. Like, she was pissed.

"The floor? Why on earth would it be on the floor? Well your father just got home, let's see if he knows how it got 'on the floor'."

Gulp number three.

Okay, so at this point I realized I just ruined Dad's proposal plan, and possibly their marriage period.

And I felt so bad and so guilty because once again I had something to do with why they weren't eloped or eloping.

Mom stormed out of my room and I was right behind her.

Dad was of course, in the fridge. He heard footsteps and started to say "Hey Kens, I was thinking we should go out tomorrow night, somewhere nice, and you just bought that new dress I love, if you're feeling up to it."

"Our daughter says she found this on the floor, any ideas about how it might have gotten there?" she shouted angrily, tossing the box at him. He caught it, and I swore I heard him mumble "Shit," under his breath.

"Grace! Where did you find this?" Dad was clearly upset with me, but not like Mom. I could actually explain and defend myself to him.

"The floor, like I keep telling you people! When you two were getting all cuddly last night, it fell out of your pocket and onto the  
floor, where I picked it up and put it in my room to keep it safe! I was going to give it back to you when you got home, but Mom found it first!"

Dad seemed to understand, as he didn't look like he was angry at me, but at himself.

"Well this kind of ruins the mood," Dad said, looking at the box.

"Will someone please explain to me what's going on here?" Mom shouted. Mom was still into the  
shouting.

Dad walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, right up to Mom.

And he said, "This wasn't the plan. Far from the plan. But ya know, when have we ever done anything like we're supposed to? Just yesterday we were talking about before Gracie was born, and our first nights together all those years ago. Look where we are now? It's been 20 years Kens. In all those years, its always been  
you."

And he got down on one knee. "It's been 20 years and you still aren't my wife. I really want to fix that. So, Kensi Marie Blye, will you marry me?"

She looked like she'd just been shot or something. Her usual composure was completely gone, her mouth was wide open and she couldn't really speak.

Her eyes went back and forth between the ring and his eyes and she looked like she might cry, but he said, "You wanna just stare at it, or you want me to put it on you, or do you want me to get out of here...?"

And then finally her brain started working again and she once again shouted, but more like squealed. "Yes, I'll marry you!"

And he so adorably said "That's what I thought. "

He slipped the ring on her finger, and then he pulled her into his chest and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her and I suddenly felt like an outsider and like I was intruding... I backed into my room slowly.

I found myself wanting to tell Monty that the two love struck idiots finally got it together. But I had a feeling Monty already knew, in his little doggy heaven. If such place exists.

So I felt awful still that Dad planned out this speech and started to make plans for the proposal and it got messed up. But I kind of liked his new speech better. And I actually got to watch him propose. How cool! It was so beautiful. I probably never would have gotten to see this if it had gone according to plan.

Mom's right. I'm really glad I'm keeping this journal. I'll want to remember every detail of this.

I could still hear through the door, Mom asking Dad how he got the ring and him saying that he'd asked her Mother for her permission to marry her daughter and that she gave him the ring because it would mean something very special.

I heard Mom call Grandma while Dad was in the shower.

" I'm engaged, Mom. I'm really engaged. I'm going to marry him."

She sounded so giddy and happy. Finally. They are getting a blessing.

Mom and Dad are engaged.

-Gracie

* * *

You knew it was coming EVENTUALLY!

I think it's all the better because I waited.


	18. 62929

a/n: Alright, this is called dedication y'all. Okay not really. I pulled up my phone calendar and set it to 2029 so I could see what the real dates are. Today is apparently Friday. I also know that a lot of you wanted a Kensi/Gracie wedding dress shopping entry, but... you'll see.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 6/29/29 (haha would you look at that)

* * *

Sorry it's been a couple of days. Things have been so busy. But I remember what Mom said about wanting to remember things, so I thought I'd hurry up and write about what's been happening!

Well after the proposal, Mom and Dad stayed up all night talking. I went to bed, but apparently they had a good long talk.

They decided they want a small wedding, and they wanted to do it soon.  
So Mom and Grandma and I took all day Wednesday on planning.

When they said soon, they really meant soon.

As in like, next week.

I thought they were absolutely crazy.

But their reasoning makes a lot of sense to me. Mom can't work in the field but she's feeling good, and it would be a good time for them to go on a little trip and  
come on, I know they want to elope.

They want it small. They want everyone to accept that they want small. What better way to make it small than not let anyone have time to plan anything?

Grandma is a regular church goer, her pastor agreed to do the ceremony. He met with Mom and Dad yesterday, and he thinks they're too cute.

They're going to have it on the beach. Duh. I mean, if he's a surfer and she smells like sunshine, where else would they have it? Dad knows some really quiet and reserved ones, he's going to get that settled.

This didn't leave a lot of time for wedding dress shopping.

I really wanted to go with Mom to buy a dress.

Mom was not anxious for this process.

She dug out a dusty old box with Grandma.

Grandma came out of the bedroom, and Mom came out within just a few minutes. She was in a white gown, it laced and flowed and it looked really nice on her.

So sorry, gap in the story. Grandma knew about Jack. She did not realize that that was the Jack I was talking about. I mean like, why would she? Its been over 20 years.

She didn't know about Jack at the time, but she did when she and Mom started talking again a few years before I was born. Which for the record, I still don't know why they quit talking.

"Are you sure, sweetie?" Grandma asked.

Mom looked like she was going to cry. She shook her head.  
The dress was absolutely beautiful, and it looked good on her.

But she said it was too tight. But in all honesty, I'm pretty sure it just didn't feel right. She deserved to feel confident in the dress she picked. This was for her wedding and she deserved more than her Jack dress.

But Mom did NOT want to go dress shopping.

I really wanted to go dress shopping. Really.

But Grandma knows best. She had her own idea.

She brought HER dress.  
Mom took it out of the box and layed it on the bed.

It didn't look very Kensi Blye.  
We all just stood in front of the bed staring at it. We uttered a chorus of um's and well's and no's.

Grandma suggested she try it on just to be sure.

It still didn't look very much like Mom.

Grandma didn't look very convinced.  
"Can I try a few things?" Grandma asked. Mom nodded. "Gracie, bring me a pair of scissors and a needle and white thread."

I don't doubt Grandma. But that made me very nervous. Mom also looked like this was a bad idea.

Mom tried to stand still and we watched as Grandma literally destroyed the dress. I could not believe what Grandma was doing to her OWN WEDDING DRESS.  
But when she was done, goodness it was Mom. The dress was strapless, and short, and fluffy. But it was that fluffy that looks like she could go kick but in it, and it fit her to a t. Mom totally agreed.

So we're down to two things; her shoes, and what I'm going to wear. So, we still get to go dress shopping. Just, not for Mom. I kind of wanted it to be about Mom, but it would kind of be about her. I'm her daughter after all.  
Today we spent most of the day at NCIS telling everyone when the wedding would be.

They thought about it and agreed that the Fourth of July would be perfect! They'd have time off and it would be a special day to remember. Plus they spent their life protecting America, it would make sense that they made their special day her birthday.

Everything was just falling into place.

Dad couldn't wipe the smile off his face as he walked around the house and the office.

Aunt Nell and Uncle Eric were excited. Uncle Callen and Uncle Sam were up in arms, as they both had placed bets on Mom and Dad, and they were arguing over who won the bet. I didn't hear about Hetty's reaction.

I know I should have a name for Hetty. But... nothing fits. Grandma? Aunt? So no. She's just Hetty. She's gotta be like 80+. But she still knows everything about me. Especially about me and Clayton.

Her first question for me was if I'd be bringing a date to the wedding.

Um.

Uh.

UM.

I said I'd ask.

I guess it was a good excuse. Because like, if they wanna keep it small, maybe they wouldn't want me to bring a date. Hetty just laughed.

I'm screwed.

-Gracie


	19. 63029

A:n/ Can I ask something? I love your reviews, and I appreciate them, but can you refrain from saying things like 'Oh my god' or any phrase using God? It's kind of a big issue with me, I'm sorry I'm being rude or picky and you're taking your time to review my story and I'm being specific or whatever, but please just don't use it. We cool? Thanks for understanding.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 6/30/14

* * *

Happy Saturday! (Yes, it is a happy Saturday!)

Today we went shopping for Mom's shoes. Bad idea. Mall. Saturday. Traffic. We decided we would wait on my dress. But Mom shoes, we're good. We both really like the idea of heels. I think she'd kind of imagined that she'd wear heels at her wedding, but it just didn't work out.

Just imagine for a moment trying to walk in the sand, in heels.

So you know, she could do flats.

Or she could go barefoot.

And once that idea came into play, neither of us could leave it. I mean, her dress is short and poofy and it just seems natural with the outdoor wedding to go barefoot.

I was all "You should buy a pretty anklet to wear, so you have something on your foot area," (okay I don't remember what I said but it was something to that effect.)

Mom smiled, and said she didn't have to. When we got home, she showed me why.

The anklet was beautiful, woven with Mom's birthstone. She put it on, and it was literally perfect. LOVE.

"Where'd you get that?" I asked.

"Your father gave it to me, first Mother's Day after we had you. Obviously you wouldn't remember that or have any part in that, but still," she said.

They're too cute.

Mom and Dad then sat down to have a talk with me, where they proceeded to tell me that I should most definitely feel free to bring a date (and Shelby and Kathleen and Sam) to their wedding, as they might as well be part of the family.

There was another issue to discuss.

For work purposes, Mom would remain Agent Blye. Detective Deeks and Agent Deeks? That would sound weird.

But Mom wanted to take Dad's last name. Which I found adorable. (I would.)

But that left one very important question.

What about me?

I'd gone through the teasing and the strange life that is having the last name Blye-Deeks. Come on, what kind of last name is Blye-Deeks? Why would anyone let their child take that name?

I know why they did it. If they split up, they didn't want me to be just Mom's or just Dad's. As weird as it sounds, they were going to make sure they shared me.

"So, when we're married, do you want to change your name?" Dad asked.

"It's totally up to you," Mom said.

And I was all, "OF COURSE I WANT TO CHANGE MY LAST NAME!"

I'm going to be Gracie Marie Deeks. Oh my gosh. This is awesome.

I can't wait. Three more days. Three days to find my dress, invite my friends, finish the planning, ask Clayton to go with me, and have Mom's party.

Oh right. Aunt Nell and I are throwing Mom a party, for the night before the wedding. Just us ladies, Hetty, Grandma, you know. Uncle Callen, Uncle Sam, and Uncle Eric are going to take Dad out for drinks or something. It'll be fun.

We also decided no one would be in the wedding but Mom and Dad. Because well, then there would be no one to see the wedding. Just Mom, Dad, and Grandma's pastor.

So I'm going to go online and start looking at dress catalogs.

This is bliss.

-Gracie


	20. 7229

a/n: I don't intend to bring this situation up again, (I've drawn enough attention to it). Thanks to most all who understood my request. As you know, if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/2/29

* * *

I had a problem but at the same time I'm so happy.

I did a slightly embarrassing thing.

The reason I have to buy a dress for this is because I don't own one. Because I don't wear them.

But like Mom, I'm not opposed to them. I just don't have a need for them. Mom has them for dates with Dad and mostly undercover work. I don't go on dates or do  
undercover work. Therefore I do not have a need for them.

So getting one is a big deal.

We headed to the mall again. Mom was really relaxed.

I found the one I wanted within just minutes. It was a medium blue, and ran down to the knee. The bottom was laced in red and the the lower half had some tie dye going on...

It was so cheesily 4th of July, but it was beautiful at the same time. And it really worked with the whole America's birthday wedding.

I took a picture to send to Shelby. But I guess I had love and weddings and Clayton on the brain.

So I sent the picture with the caption "I think this is the dress!"

Again, thinking that it was going to Shelby.

The girls and Sam knew about the wedding. I had not mentioned the spectacle to Clayton yet. Because like. Um. Nerves. And poor communication skills.

The message went to Clayton. Not to Shelby.

I sent a picture of myself in a dress. To Clayton.

And he was all "Yeah that's cute, um, what's this for again?"

I was like, so insanely embarrassed, and it was awful.

When we got home from the mall, I called him. And apologized. But he said it was cool and it happens.

Then I was all, "Fourth of July plans?"

And he was all,"Nah, nothing. Sam's busy, and so are Kathleen and Shelby. You?"

"Got plans too. But I was hoping you'd come with me."

"With you? Like, with you with you or just like, with you? Or more importantly, to what exactly?"

You could totally hear the nerves in his voice.

I hoped I didn't sound like that.

"My parents' wedding." I said, trying not to sound too excited.

"Gracie! When did this happen? I would totally be honored to accompany you to your parents' wedding!"

We talked for a while longer. Mom had gone in to work for the afternoon. They didn't have a case, so she was just doing desk work, and getting a simple feel of things again since the incident.

Which was a little pointless since they're going on their honeymoon after the wedding.

Okay, so I don't know where they're going, but it's either Vegas or Australia.

I don't know man.

It's hard to tell.

But those are the two places that they joke about going all the time.

Since they haven't planned much, I take it that they're going to Vegas. But I really wouldn't be surprised if they go to Australia. They are quite mysterious.

So, the wedding is on Wednesday. They're going to be gone for 6 days. Kind of short for Australia. But again, they're Kensi and Deeks.

So apparently I need to bond more with my family, both NCIS and not NCIS. 6 days, 6 different places to stay.

One night with Aunt Nell, one with Uncle Eric, then Uncle Callen, Uncle Sam (and Aunt Michelle), Grandma, and then... Hetty.

Good idea, parents. I mean, I could probably hold down the house by myself, but I have softball games and if I was alone I'd eat myself out of food by day 3.

And that would suck.

I don't think I'll mind the arrangement. Because like, it will be interesting. If there becomes a case I can go to Grandma's, I'll visit the team, and I like the team. I'm kind of looking forward to it.

So when Mom and Dad got home they were fighting. Not like, legit fighting, but play fighting.

Dad misses Monty, I miss Monty, Mom misses Monty. We all miss Monty.

There is no doubt in anyone's mind that we need to get a new dog once they get back from their honeymoon.

But about that.

Dad wants Monty Junior. Mom wants anything but.

The fight was playful and they were basically just joking around, but they were throwing around insults and bantering like there was no tomorrow.

I wouldn't mind a Monty junior. He was a good dog.

But I wouldn't tell Mom that.

I helped Mom make dinner. Dad was impressed that we didn't blow the house up.

Tomorrow is the party. I'm really excited. I know I'm not going to be able to drink or anything (oh but how I want to) and that's the main reason for the party, but I got Mom a little wedding present. Clayton said that was totally appropriate. I think she'll love it.

Got to go. Sleep calls me.

-Gracie


	21. 7329

a/n: Well this is going to be an insanely long author's note on a short update. So I am updating twice. I'm sorry this is off, update dates are no longer matching up with the calendar. I'm really sorry about that. I got so busy over the holiday, and I'll be staying pretty busy. Because of this, and the fact that I don't want to skip any of those 6 days, just ignore the update date and go by the date she 'writes' in. I didn't want to do it like this, but I think it'll work better and be more consistent with my inconsistent update schedule. I'll be having a busy week and them I'm leaving for a camp type thing and its just going to be really crazy.

I turned off guest reviews, but I'll be turning them back on shortly. I'm sorry about that, I just got tired of deleting the hate ones. But I've more or less come to terms with the fact that I'd rather spend time spreading love than deleting hate, so if I get anymore hate, oh well.

Enjoy your lives all, hope you've had a blessed fourth if you're here in the good old US of A, I know I really did. Good food, love time with my amazing family, good old church Sunday with Grandma, and lots of fireworks. Here's two entries!

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/3/29

* * *

Mom's drunk. Not that drunk. Just drunk enough that she's slurring words. Not drunk enough to be hung over tomorrow. Because believe me, she's going to want to remember tomorrow and not have a killer headache.

But before the drinking began, I gave Mom her present.

It was a gold chained anklet, with Deeks written in Dad's handwriting. Had it made at the mall. It reminded me of the anklet she'd shown me just a few days ago. I knew she'd love it. Which, she did. I swear she teared up just a little. I know she's just as excited as I am to become a Deeks.

Hetty has been staring at me and interrogating me.

She was all, "So how is Mr. Brooks? Is he accompanying you to the wedding?"

And I was all, "Clayton? Um, he's good. Yeah, he's coming."

And she started giving me this talk about times that provoke 'special feelings' and whatnot. I was utterly confused and I just didn't know what she was talking about and I was already pretty tired, so I just kind of nodded along.

But it just made me really wonder what she was getting at.

She left quite early, and Grandma didn't stay long either. Nell didn't get very drunk, but she and Mom stayed up talking, and I just didn't feel comfortable in the situation. I retreated to my bedroom.

Using to power of the internet I looked up hairstyles for tomorrow but nothing interested me. So I moved on to the local dog shelter website, hoping I'd find a dog that I'd want and fall in love with and then convince Mom and Dad to adopt.

I found like 7 I wanted. Which, wasn't going to work.

So I got off of there, and began packing for my extravaganza of rotating houses for the next 6 days. How fun.

I'm so bored. Can it just be tomorrow already!?

-Gracie


	22. 7429

A:n/ THE WEDDING IS HERE!

Help, all? Sam and Michelle's daughter... we don't know much about her. She'll be coming up. Name ideas?

Okay, about Joelle and Callen. We haven't seen a lot of her. So I'm nervous. I'm not convinced she's not evil. So I have not married them. There we go.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/4/29

* * *

July 4th, 2029. The happiest day ever.

The house was buzzing from early in the morning until the ceremony started. Grandma's house was where Mom and I got ready, while Dad got ready with the assistance of Uncle Eric.

Mom was putting on more make-up then I'd ever seen her wear, but mostly it was Grandma's doing. My hair was braided up and pinned into a bun of epic proportions, one that matched Mom's.

The wedding didn't start until late, as they wanted a sunset and dusk feel. It was 8:00 when I got to the beach. I'd brought blankets, and we spread them out over the sand. The beach Dad had chosen was perfect. Quiet, secluded, clear water. You could see out across the water, a patch of land on the other side.

Aunt Nell arrived shortly, wrapped around Uncle Eric's arm. They were both dressed adorably, and took a blanket by Grandma.

Uncle Sam and Aunt Michelle arrived, with their daughter. She's much older than I am, much much older, but it's always good to see her still.

Uncle Callen arrived, he brought his longtime ladyfriend Joelle.

Shelby and Kathleen came next, and they both looked great. They took a blanket.

Hetty came with assistant Director Granger. I don't like him. He didn't look very happy to be here.

Samuel and Clayton came in next. Clayton had on a fancy little vest and a red tie. He smiled at me from a distance, and I felt myself blush.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi," I replied.

"You look nice, stunning, actually," he said, glancing down to my feet.

I really tried to not crumble but he was killing me here.

"Thank you, as do you," I said. Lame. But oh well.

We sat down together on a blanket, the girls and Samuel took the one behind us.

Suddenly I heard a voice I knew and recognized. It was Ray.

He's one of Dad's friends. He called Mom Wikipedia. He knew they'd get together. He's really fun.

I was all, "I didn't know you were coming!" and he was all "I couldn't miss this!"

He didn't get to bring his family. Just himself. But I thought it was special.

He took the last blanket, and there we all were. And the ceremony began.

Three adjectives for this wedding. Small, intimate, adorable.

Dad couldn't take his eyes off of her. He was totally surprised at the dress she was wearing, as it was not what anyone had suspected.

Mom couldn't stop smiling, she was finding it hard not to giggle.

Uncle Eric had Dad's ring, Aunt Nell had Mom's. They took them up at the appropriate times.

The pastor did an awesome job adapting to the non-traditional, laid back feel the ceremony had.

I hadn't even realized it, but I had leaned into Clayton. My head rested on his shoulder. His arm sprawled around my waist.

The vows were cheesy and metaphorical. If I could sit down and quote them back here, I totally would. But my brain just couldn't take this sweetness overload. I'm going to have cavities from the sweetness here already.

But then, they said 'I do.'

And the pastor said, "You may kiss the bride."

Dad pushed that vail out of Mom's face and pulled her face up to meet his and as he kissed her he pumped a fist up into the air as if to say 'SCORE!'

The look on Mom's face shouted relief because she was no longer a fiancé, as we all know she wasn't very comfortable with that phase of a relationship. Bride. Bride was her word now.

Suddenly, off in the distance the sunset and as Mom and Dad kissed, fireworks shot up across the water. Call that absolutely perfect timing. Luckily I had my camera out for that first kiss moment, the only real reason they had the ceremony. Because that picture is absolutely priceless. It's going in a frame. In the living room. Behind the TV. Or maybe instead of the TV. It's that perfect.

Clapping ensued, whistling and cheering. It was awesome.

Then, the music.

Dad brought out a radio, had it on some techno station Mom loves, and we just all went wild. He flicked it on with a quick snap of the wrist. We got up, and jumped around a little bit. We giggled and laughed.

We changed it, because techno was kind of ridiculously hard to dance to.

Seeing that it was the 4th, every radio station was playing something slightly patriotic. Mom and Dad took their first dance to 'God Bless the USA' of all things. But it was kind of fitting for them.

Hetty and Granger disappeared. Gone. Probably didn't wanna party with us.

After the dance, Clayton pulled me aside, and I was all, "What's going on?"

And he was all, "I wanted to give you this."

He gave me a little jewelry box. I opened it bashfully, and it revealed the same little Deeks charm I'd given Mom.

I was utterly confused. I hadn't told him about my last name yet, and although I had spilled my unsureness about giving the anklet to Mom to him, I never expected this. I spent a lot of money on that. It was too much.

I tried to protest. "Clayton, this is too much, I can't…"

But he wasn't going to have that. "Stop. This is a really big day for you and your family. I know how much it means to you, to be able to take your father's last name and to see them finally get together. I really want you to have this."

How could I not accept it after that?

"Thank you, I don't know how I can ever repay you for this," I said.

I reached to hug him. It was amazing to have his strong arms wrapped around me.

He grabbed my hand, and pulled me off into the sand where everyone was dancing.

"A dance will do," he smiled.

And we danced. I danced with Clayton Brooks. At my parents wedding.

We all danced.

Fireworks laced the skies. Kisses bounced off of Mom and Dad's lips. Waves rolled up the shore. Dresses twirled.

We ate cake. Dad couldn't shove it down Mom's throat fast enough. I just wanted to freeze this and make it last forever.

Lastly, Ray pulled out a box of sparklers and tiny little bottles of bubbles. I swear we had more fun with those than anything. The laughter floating off of the beach just brightened up the world. There was nothing that could beat it. Except maybe Dad, Mom and Ray interacting.

Dad came up to me, monster hugged me, danced with me. He twirled me and twisted me. I was giggling like Mom.

Too much goodness. All my friends posed for a picture. Then, we all posed.

It was late when we got done partying. So late, that I'm surprised Grandma stayed up that late.

My friends went home. Mom and Dad went home to change, then off to catch the 1 AM flight they had out of this town. Grandma and I cleaned the beach up.

"They're good together," Grandma said.

"They're perfect," I said.

I'm headed to bed. I can't sleep though. Too much adrenaline.

Six days. Six days with the people that my parents are the very closest to. I'll try to learn some things. I'm sure there is MUCH to learn from them.

Oh, Mom gave me that journal to read. I'll be reading that while they're gone too.

I'm. Content. With. My. Life. Now.

-Gracie


	23. 7529

A/n: MY GOODNESS its been too long. Hi guys, I'm so sorry. Packing and life and stuff. Kind of all happened. This is the day after the wedding in her journal. I'm going to try to roll out one more installment, but I leave for 'camp' (it's not camp, but I don't know what to call it, so camp works) and I highly doubt I'll get to work on this. Wednesday is when I shall return. Thanks for being patient :)

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/5/29

* * *

So this day has been interesting. Very interesting.

Looks like I'll be spending a couple nights in the same place.

Did anybody else know Aunt Nell and Uncle Eric were living together? Because I didn't. I mean, its not that big of a surprise to be honest, but still. I had no idea.

Tonight was supposed to be my Aunt Nell night, but when she picked me up from softball practice we did NOT go to her apartment. Because she sold it. And she lives with Uncle Eric.

Ummmm.

So it wasn't as awkward as I'd expected it to be. I mean, I've lived with cohabitating adults my entire life, so why would it be? I tried to imagine myself as their kid, but it got too weird to fast. Besides, I look NOTHING like Aunt Nell or Uncle Eric. Nuh uh. Nope. I look like my mother and my father. I stole their best qualities and now I am a bundle of awesome. If Aunt Nell and Eric had a kid, he or she would be like, hmmm… maybe blond, maybe not, nerdy, but the smartest thing ever. Okay, getting weird again. Moving on.

So once they quit trying to explain to me how this happened, Aunt Nell settled me into the apartment's second bedroom. Might as well stay two nights in a row here.

I offered to help Aunt Nell with dinner, but I one, can't cook, because of obvious reasons, being Kensi's daughter. Second of all, just got here from softball practice, so I'm dusty and gross. I took a shower while Aunt Nell made dinner.

The first awkward occurrence of staying with cohabitating adults that aren't my parents.

So I'm taking a shower… and then I'm getting a towel… and then I drop it on the floor. So I pick it up, leaning over a trashcan.

Condom. In the trashcan.

So I'm standing there trying not to imagine THEM doing THAT.

I can handle my parents doing it, but if I hear them doing it, I'm going to lose it. This is what is wrong with children of this generation. We deal with THIS. Or maybe only I deal with this. Badass federal agent teenage prodigy. Word.

That was lame. So lame that I can't believe I just wrote it.

So back to the story.

I dry off, start putting some clothes on. You know. Putting clothes on.

Awkward occurrence of staying with cohabitating adults number two.

Luckily I decided to wear a bra. Because you know. I'm not at home. I don't know. Made me more comfortable that way.

So with underwear and a bra on, I drop my towel because I'm obviously mostly dry.

UNCLE ERIC JUST OPENS THE DOOR.

I panicked SO HARD.

He panicked SO HARD.

I MEAN AT LEAST I HAD SOME CLOTHES ON.

He was so embarrassed he slammed the door shut and called out a string of apologies about how he just got home from the store and forgot how I was staying here and how sorry he was and I was just standing on the other side of the door with my back against it with my eyes wide open in that 'fight or flight' response mode.

So. Locking doors from now on.

I stayed in the bathroom for a long time afterward. After I was dressed. After I could have left. I was just like. Not okay.

I wanted Mom and Dad back.

Sometimes I think that I'm old and independent and I don't need them anymore and then at times I just want them to hold me.

I finally got out of the bathroom and retreated to the guest room where I had a text from Mom. A picture of Mom and Dad in front of the Vegas sign. So we see where they went. It was really cute. I sent her back, "That's super cute! Love you guys, have fun be safe."

I wanted to be all "COME BACK TO ME I NEED YOU" but I didn't want them to worry.

At dinner Aunt Nell couldn't figure out why Uncle Eric and I were acting weird. I wasn't really acting that weird I don't think, but he was really freaked out.

Aunt Nell decided whatever it was needed worked out and it was NOT going to work out while she was in the room so she dismissed herself from the room.

"I'm so sorry," he said, finally looking over at me.

"It's okay," I said, "You didn't mean to scare the shit out of me."

"Do you usually cuss around your parents?" he asked.

"Nope, but I think I deserve to for a little while," I smiled.

"I'd say touché, but I think that's your parent's thing," he said.

"Just a little bit," I said.

We hugged, 'cause if we can do that and not be awkward then we can live in the same house for a couple days and not be awkward.

Aunt Nell came back in a few minutes, no questions asked, and was all, "That's better."

Aunt Nell still has cool movies, and we watched this old Pixar jewel, called Finding Nemo. And I LOVED IT! So cute! Aunt Nell says that tomorrow night we can watch the sequal, Finding Dory.

I'm excited.

I shall end this by quoting Bruce the shark.

"Fish are friends, not food."

-Gracie

* * *

So... if you have ideas for Sam's daughter's name.. I'd really like it if you'd tell me. It'll be Wednesday before I get to work with it, so... maybe? Please?


	24. 7629

So if you opened this chapter before I fixed it... I'm so sorry,,, I have no idea.. I really hope this fixes it.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/6/29

* * *

"Where are you today selfie, go."

I shouted at Aunt Nell to lean in, and she did, so I snapped the picture.

"Uncle Eric's, chilling."

Clayton texted me back all, "This picture ignites so many questions."

I was like, "Huh?"

He said, "I thought that you were at your Uncle Eric's? I'm pretty sure that's your Aunt… Nell?"

"Yeah, they're living together."

"Living together? Not married?"

"Nope."

"What is up with people in your family doing that?"

"You're telling me. Next question."

"Why do none of your Aunts and Uncles look like your parents?"

"Well, they're technically not my family by blood and stuff. They're Mom and Dad's friends, so like, they're like aunts and uncles and stuff. How long have you been wondering about this?"

"Since I met your Uncle Sam."

"Ah. Next."

"Why are you wearing an LAPD tee-shirt?"

DON'T JUDGE ME JOURNAL I LOVE THIS SHIRT ITS SO COMFY.

Welp. I've always struggled with lying to Clayton. Always. I never can pull it off, I always end up telling him or not talking to him for days, and we've come too far in our relationship, or um, friendship, or well, thing I guess, to do that now.

So I didn't lie, but I didn't tell the truth either.

"My Dad was a cop."

"Mr. Deeks used to be a cop?"

"A detective, actually."

"But I thought you're parents work together."

"They do."

"But your Mom isn't a cop."

"No, she is not."

"Then what do they do?"

"I'm not necessarily allowed to be talking to you about this."

"Goodness Grace, what on earth are your parents into?"

"Like I said. My life is not normal."

"You scare me. Your mom recently almost got stabbed to death. You aren't allowed to talk about their occupations. Your dad was a detective. It kind of sounds like they've upgraded to assassins by day parent's by night."

"You could say that again."

"What?"

"Kidding!"

"Don't do this."

"Do what?"

"Joke with me after I called your parents assassins."

"You've met my parents, they aren't assassins. I don't think the government allows assassins to have children."

"If your parents are assassins they probably don't work for the government."

"Touché."

"Touché? What's that?"

"Just. Never mind."

So I called out to Aunt Nell, who had since made her way out of the living room and into the kitchen. "Clayton thinks that Mom and Dad are assassins now."

"Well, they kind of are. A little bit," she said.

Uncle Eric walked in. "How come they get to be assassins but we're The Wonder Twins?" he said, dropping a kiss on Aunt Nell's lips.

I'm going to have a cow if they take 15 years to get together too.

"Just. Never mind."

So I called out to Aunt Nell, who had since made her way out of the living room and into the kitchen. "Clayton thinks that Mom and Dad are assassins now."

"Well, they kind of are. A little bit," she said.

Uncle Eric walked in. "How come they get to be assassins but we're The Wonder Twins?" he said, dropping a kiss on Aunt Nell's lips.

I'm going to have a cow if they take 15 years to get together too. Obviously they haven't been together too long. Unless I'm missing something. Which I probably am. Ugh.

I texted Mom too, telling her that Clayton thought she and Dad were assassins. I was sent back a picture of Mom and Dad both holding new paintball guns, backs to each other, blowing on them.

"That's because we are assassins. We are taking you kids DOWN this summer."

But Dad sent me that. Not Mom. I'm not sure that matters, but oh well.

So every summer we have a paintball tournament. It's kind of the best thing ever. We've done it since I was old enough to enjoy shooting things with guns, so paintball was a better idea than giving me an actual gun. Mom liked that idea, Dad not so much.

So Mom and Dad try to take down my friends and I. We usually allow them to pick a few other adults to play, because its 5 of us verses 2 of them. Even though they're federal agents, its really not fair.

They go on their honeymoon to Vegas and buy new paintball guns. Sigh.

I forwarded the picture on to Clayton and added, "Looks like they actually are assassins."

He got really excited because he'd momentarily forgotten that we were going to be doing that soon.

Mom and Dad told me to ask Aunt Nell and Uncle Eric if they'd play this year.

Aunt Nell was game, but Uncle Eric took some convincing.

One glare reminding him of yesterday, and well, he was in.

THEN WE GOT TO WATCH FINDING DORY AND IT WAS AWESOME!

I've got to show these movies to Clayton.

Well, packing up tomorrow, Uncle Sam will be picking me up after work. It's been interesting staying here… but well, let's say I'm slightly relieved to be moving on.

* * *

I FANGIRLED SO HARD OVER A DENSI PAINTBALL WAR.

See you in a few days!


	25. 7729

A/n: I'm back! Thanks for all the well wishes for my time at camp, I really enjoyed myself and learned bunches :) So as I wrote this I was laughing my head off. Like, I can totally see a teenage girl writing this, and reading it aloud while editing it was fun. I can feel her attitude, oh love. So enjoy.

Oh, I wrote a one-shot on the NCIS side of , so if you like Tiva you should go read it! It had been floating in my brain.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/7/29

* * *

I'm very angry.

We played Lexi McCartney's team again tonight. You know, the girl who knocked me unconscious like a month ago? Yeah HER. I don't like her.

We played a good game, but I made some really suckish plays.

Because every time I'd be pitching, I'd catch her out of the corner of my eye. Flirting. With Clayton.

Okay, softball rule number one. You stay in your dugout, and support your team. Always.

Rule number two is you keep your head in the game. She was definitely breaking that one. But then again, so was I.

I tried to focus, pitch my hardest and throw straight. But she was breaking rule number three.

Do NOT, under any circumstance, flirt with Clayton Brooks.

Unless you're me. But that doesn't really count. What we do is not flirting, per say, its like, banter. I like banter.

She'd come up to bat and give me this devilish smile and bat her eyes and tousle her ponytail and it made me want to barf. I wanted to strike her out so bad. I had to keep my emotions out of the way though; last thing I wanted to do was walk her.

And when the game did end, she skipped her team meeting to go talk to Clayton!

I was pissed.

I was jealous.

Ughaghhhhhhhhhhhh.

Because Clayton was going along with it! Just, like she wasn't being a complete snob.

I put my stuff in Uncle Sam's car, and Clayton was walking off with her.

He didn't even talk to me. He waved to me. Completely blew me off, just like he hadn't accompanied me to my parent's wedding just days before.

While my brain centered around him and the softball snob, Uncle Sam got in the car and was all, "Who taught you how to pitch?"

"My Dad, why?"

"You pitch like a girl."

Okay, so there's something sketchy between Dad and Uncle Sam. I don't understand it, but there's always this thing of inferiority and its just weird.

I think it's going to have to be something I learn about later on, like the rest of the Afghanistan story.

"No offense to your dad, I don't mean that. It's just…"

"Something I don't understand?"

"Probably so," Uncle Sam said, "and I am NOT going to be the one who tells you about that."

Whatever.

I went on about how I usually don't suck as bad as I did tonight, but it was hard to do without actually bringing up Clayton. I don't think Uncle Sam bought it.

I mean, he's watched me play before, but. Well. You know.

Uncle Sam's place is nice, and his house is just beautiful. Aunt Michelle is so nice. She's like this sassy woman full of motherly instinct and badassness all at the same time. Not at all different from my mom, but well, more sass.

And Jada is here! She's in LA for a few days from the wedding. Its always fun to talk to Jada, because she kind of understands this crazy federal agent child life I'm living. She says I have it worse than she did, because my parents weren't married and excessively… Kensi and Deeks.

But there both Deeks' now. And I'm so happy.

But yeah, I talked to Jada a lot. She's sassy like her mom but strong like her Dad.

I continue to see how blessed I am to be the offspring of Kensi Blye (Deeks!) and Marty Deeks. Because I have people in my life like Aunt Nell and Uncle Eric and Uncle Sam and his family. Like, there is no other family where I'd get this kind of love from everyone. And we aren't even blood.

I texted Mom a while ago. Apparently the only thing on Dad's mind today is sex, so I'm content with not knowing how it's going.

The raccoons are mating for life. *insert creepy evil laughter*

Sigh. Parents.

That's all I got. I'm resisting the urge to check social media to see what transpired between Clayton and Snob. But I'm refraining. I'm not gonna text him. Nope. Not even gonna touch my phone. Its just gonna sit over there. Right there. Where its at.

This is harder than I thought.

I'm just playing with my anklet and wondering what I did wrong.

-A really confused Grace Deeks


	26. 7829

A/n: Guys I actually did an update in a decent amount of time aren't you proud of me?

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/8/29

* * *

Today is Sunday. So today I'm with Grandma. She drug me to church with her this morning, and it was nice to be honest. Again, I really didn't grow up in church, so its a little strange, but I like it.

We tried to make lunch together, but she did most of the work. I stood all awkwardly like, "Okay yeah I get that you use the knife but this is not how I think of using a knife."

Grandma wasn't pleased.

But she wasn't to caught up in it, we made it. Her house is still standing.

It was a pretty lazy day. I stayed off of my phone for like, 3 hours. That's an accomplishment. Clayton had texted me. I was still angry and I ignored him. Dad had sent me a picture of them at M&M World. They were posing with one of those dudes in a fluffy red M&M costume. It was really cute. I showed Grandma this picture, and all the other ones that I had gotten over the last few days.

Grandma also thought that it was adorable.

She said she'd watched them over the years, fall in love slowly, but jump too quick and dive head first into parenthood.

I asked her when she first met Dad.

Then it got weird.

She was skeptical.

She was all, "Martin came to my door as an LAPD officer, told me I was in danger, said he worked with my daughter.'

I looked at her like she was nuts. "Are you kidding me? That's it?"

She's Kensi Deeks's mother. She's gotta have a little badass in her. "Taken out of context, that's about it."

So I tried, "How about we put in some context."

She cackle snort laughed at me and blew me off completely.

These secrets are NOT cool. I am mature enough and old enough and smart enough to handle this. All of this. I'm sure of it. I've been threatened, I've seen Mom get stabbed, I've seen Dad take a bullet (although, that was quite a few years ago now that I think about it). But still. This has gotta stop.

So I was reminded of my grandfather's journal.

It was getting up in the late afternoon, so I didn't feel bad detaching to read for a bit.

The little journal is small. Spiral bound.

Okay, let's set the tone here. Mom says this is grandpa's sniper journal. Sniper.

Mom's not necessarily a sniper, but she's a shooter for sure. Isn't that why she was supposed to do that Afghanistan thing? Except it ended with that Jack moron?

Yeah. Well.

So I read only just a few pages.

It was darling.

I feel like its something my own father would write to me, (not that he is, but its that kind of love that I'm getting here).

Being completely honest here. I have one of the best darn fathers on this planet, and I don't write about him enough in here. He has shown me nothing but unconditional love, and he's been there for me. Like when Mom was in the hospital, when he told me we'd be okay? This is such a terrible thought, but we would have been. Losing Mom, oh, I don't want to think about it. But he would have pulled me through. He would have made sure that even in his extreme sadness, that he did whatever I needed to make it before he processed a single emotion for himself. And I see it in him all the time, his patience, his inability to get so angry at me that he yells, his goodness. This man, my father, is the best man on this planet. Just the end of the story.

That's what Mom's dad sounds like to me.

He wants to know what she'll look like when she grows up. He wants to be there with her. He calls her baby girl. I found myself just sitting there hugging it to my chest. And I was sad, and I don't know why.

I think its because I assume this man is dead. No one has come out and said it, but come on. If he were alive, I would probably know him.

I want to get to know this man and I just don't think that's even possible. So I'll just hug this journal a little tighter and keep reading when the tears stop stinging my eyeballs.

-Grace


	27. 71029

A/n: Apologizing now for how terrible this chapter is. I got bored with this one-night-everywhere section. I'm so excited to get Gracie back home and married Densi life. I have some great things planned, stay tuned!

* * *

Oh, yeah. Another thing. So, I'm going to be back in school soon. I will write for this up to the end. But there will become a point where I won't be able to keep this up. Maybe I'd be able to do a Saturday or Friday update plan, but it won't be the same. Just a warning, a heads up. But I can't stop now, it's just getting good.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/10/14

* * *

Spending a night with Uncle Callen was something I was very concerned about.

He's solitary. And it scares me.

Mom and Dad said he was not a concern. I never said he was a concern. I know he's not. He's not a pedophile or a murder and I know I'm safe with him. And I love my Uncle Callen, but he just… he's him.

But it's just weird. Maybe not Uncle Eric walking in on me weird, but weird regardless.

Well, this is what I thought beforehand, anyway.

When I got there, it **was** weird. The house was dark, eerie. I felt out of place.

But then Joelle got there. And she turned lights on and cooked dinner and she was sweet.

And that was all. Nothing interesting or cool happened for me to write about, so I didn't.

And then tonight. With Hetty.

She scares me more than Uncle Callen did.

And I had EVERY right to be scared out of my mind.

This woman.

She started with of course, interrogating me. There were a lot of things she asked of me. What I knew, about Mom and Dad and my family. What I did with the team these past few days. Softball. School. Clayton (who I'm still not talking to.) She keeps doing that, and its not right.

I try not to crumble under her. My parents say they still struggle with it, but I've seen them both stand up to her. They both have shown that they can do it. I wish I could too.

She has the best tea. I think tea tastes like water with Dad's dirty socks in it, (not that I've ever tried that, ew) but she's got some that I tolerate. Tolerate is not the word. Its amazing.

She told me some story about ruling Nicaragua for 3 days.

She smiled and said that Uncle Nate would be in for a visit in a few days. That I got real excited about. He travels, and does this top-secret psychology stuff. He wasn't able to make it in for the wedding, so I know he'll be excited to see everyone.

Of course, he's also going to be here to play with our heads.

It's what he does. Every time. To everyone. Even me. I'm not even an agent and he does this to me! Jada said he used to do it to her too. Its his thing, I guess. Because, well. He's Nate. Guess he just wants to make sure our brains are healthy.

Mom and Dad are going to be home TOMORROW! I miss them so much. I just want to go home. T-minus 3 days 'til paintball!

-Gracie


	28. 71129

Gracie's Journal 7/11/29

* * *

I was so excited for Mom and Dad to come home, and well, it didn't go as well as I'd expected.

They took the day off, to get back home and into life before they went back to work.

They had lots of pictures and things to share with me, but Dad also had developed an agenda of his own.

Apparently on this trip, Dad got this idea that I needed to learn how to drive. How, well Mom doesn't know, but yeah.

He took me to this deserted parking lot and we were both smiling and relaxed and I was really looking forward to it. Don't we all fantasize about the first time we get behind the wheel?

And I wasn't at all nervous about Dad getting snappy with me. Because, he's dad. And he's patient and chill.

But suddenly, everything changed. Everything

Because as I listened to all he told me to do, I missed a few things. I put the car in drive, and Dad was cheering. But I mistook gas and break, and well. I basically gave my father a panic attack.

And he screamed. And he shouted. And he blew up on me.

My father does NOT scream at me.

He yells when you're trying to hear him from the other room.

He yells when he gets excited.

But when he's angry, he gets his message across without the shouting. He's shouted at Mom a few times, but its not real. You can hear it in his voice. Its not anger, its not threatening.

But I was scared when he screamed at me.

And when he did it, and saw the look of terror in my eyes...

Part of him just, melted.

He closed his eyes for a moment.

And then he told me to get out, and I moved to the passenger seat, and we went home.

Mom was utterly confused. She was all, "How'd it go?"

Dad retreated to their bedroom, pouting. I grabbed Mom and hugged the tar out of her and explained to her what happened. She shook her head and pulled me out on to the back deck.

That's where learned about Gordon John Brandel.

You know, I really would have liked to know all about Mom's dad before we worried about Dad's dad. But I guess that's not how life works.

Mom said, "Your father's father... he was abusive. And your father was 11 when he shot him in self defense. Saved himself and his mother."

My eyes bugged out of their sockets, but Mom kept talking. She held my hand.

"He loves you. He loves you so much. But because he never had a father figure to look up to, he always worried about how he was with you. Always. He didn't think he could do it, be a good father."

"But he's the best!" I interjected. This was upsetting me.

"I know that, you know that. Everyone knows that. But him," Mom said, "He doesn't scream at you because it brings him too close to his father."

"But that doesn't compare!" I squeaked.

"No it doesn't. But right now, he's feeling like a terrible father. He feels like he's hurt you."

"This hurts me," I said softly.

"There's a lot of things we haven't told you Gracie, and this is why," Mom sighed, "Sometimes they're hard to understand."

This was really hard to understand.

"What can I do for him?" I asked.

"I think we make tomorrow Father's Day," Mom smiled, wrapping her arm around me.

This year, Father's Day fell on a day in which Mom was in the hospital, you know, upon being stabbed. We never celebrated him. Then the wedding happened and well, it got blown over.

I smiled. "Yeah, we should. We should do something special. We could bake a cake, using that recipe Grandma left us! We can prove that we won't blow up the house! I can make card, write a note, we can give him the present finally!"

Mom nodded, grinning. "We got this Gracie."

We went back inside, Mom went in the bedroom. It was pretty late, around 10. Mom said Dad was out cold, so we started work on the cake. He had to be asleep so he wouldn't smell it.

We got it in the oven without any major catastrophes, and I sat down and worked on the card. Mom decided to make one two, and the kitchen table was covered in paper and markers and colors and stickers.

"Dad knows I love him, right?" I asked.

Mom got real quiet and serious. "I'm sure of it, Gracie. I'm sure he knows."

The oven dinged and we got the cake out. Beautiful. We had managed to do it.

"Let's hope it tastes as good as it smells," Mom said.

We cleaned up the kitchen and hid our cards and cake, and Mom slipped off to bed, giving me a peck on the forehead.

"I hope you're okay Grace. He knows you love him. He knows. He wouldn't want you to worry about that. Ever."

I spent more time in my room writing in my card. I'm not done yet. It needs to be worded just the right way. Just the way so that Dad would understand how great he is to me, how much I need him. How great he is. How he is nothing like his father.

Hopefully, after tomorrow, there will be no doubt in his mind.

-Grace


	29. 71229

A/n: Last couple chapters have lacked humor. I'll work on that moving onward.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/12/29

* * *

Mom and I were up by 5, we iced the cake and got dressed and ready. Mom and Dad had to get to work today, but we had to start Dad's day on the right foot. They don't usually leave the house until around 8, and Mom drug Dad out of bed at 6.

"Honey I'm tired, we still have like 2 hours, why am I up..." Dad groaned groggily as Mom drug him out of their bedroom.

He saw me sitting at the kitchen  
table, with the cake and the card and the little wrapped box.

"What is this?" he turned to Mom and asked.

"Gracie, you do the honors," Mom said, gesturing towards me.

"Dad, yesterday, I was presented with some very disturbing news," I began,"about you, and your father, and how you think of yourself as a father."

Dad started to protest, but Mom  
shushed him.

"Upon learning this, I was completely devastated. I needed a way to show you that you're actually the best father ever, and Mom reminded me you never got your Father's Day this year, thus, this."

Dad had woken up significantly, and was now glancing back and forth between Mom and I and the table.

"You did this, for me?" he asked,  
pointing and twirling his finger around at everything.

"Mhm." I nodded.

"All last night?" he asked.

"Yeah, except for the present. We already had that, for you know, actual Father's Day." I said.

"You baked a cake?"

Mom and I nodded again.

"Is it edible?" he asked.  
"You have such little faith in us," Mom laughed.

"I just don't know what to say," Dad said, running his hand over his scruff, and his other through his messy hair nervously.

"Don't say anything, just take a plate and have some breakfast cake." I said.

Dad laughed. For real.

And he bit into the cake tentitivly. And then he was shoving it into  
his mouth in big bites.

"This is good cake," he mumbled.

Mom and I high-fived under the table.

Then, we were on to cards.

Mom declared hers got to go first.

Mom had colored a raccoon on the front eating a fern. Dad laughed again and opened it up and read it aloud. "We're kickass parents together. PS: Am I  
allowed to call you my hubby?

I about choked on my cake.  
That was only slightly embarrassing and out of character for my mother. I take it she was not expecting that to be read aloud.

But Dad was in such a good mood now, and he reached for my card eagerly.

The outside of my card was simple: Dad,  
And he began to read.

Dear Dad,  
Dad. Its a simple three letter word, but it has so much more meaning. When I think of you, I think of sunshine, the beach, and surfing. I think of that time where you fell asleep on the beach and got sun poisining so bad that you couldn't walk for like 3 days. I think of the time you jumped on the trampoline with my friends and I. I think of these countless memories. But I also think of kindness, compassion, caring,  
and this never ending love that you give to me, this love I can't seem to put into words. Dad, you aren't just a father to me. You're my best friend. You're the best man I know. You show me that even when there is evil in this world there's hope for us. Because you exist. You are hope, Dad. (His voice started to crack, his eyes were watering.) When we lost Monty, when we almost lost Mom, you comforted me. You held on to me tight in hugs that made me feel safe. You put Mom and me before you in  
everything you do. I'm such a blessed person to be your daughter, in ways you'll really never know. I love you Dad. You are the best. Never think otherwise, because you're just lying to yourself.

Love, Grace Deeks (because I am the second happiest girl in the world to take your last name, next to Mom.)

When he finished reading, he set the card down. Tears freely rolled down his cheeks, and I glanced  
over to see that they were rolling down Mom's face too.  
"Come here," Dad comanded softly. I did exactly as he told me to, and he pulled me into his strong arms and held me there. I squeezed him tightly.

"Thank you so much baby girl. This means the world to me," he said shakily.

"I mean it, Dad. All of it," I said back to him.

"I believe all of it," Dad sniffled  
and smiled.

The present was kind of blown over after that, it was just a watch after all, but there were other things on his mind.

They've finally left for work and I am alone. Time to get back into Grandpa Blye's journal, I guess.

-Gracie


	30. 71329

a/n: As much as I want Gracie's life to be like her parents... its not a perfect match. I feel like she'd learn from their mistakes. So pressing forward, enjoy :)

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/13/29

* * *

My head. It hurts. So bad.

I'm so confused. And lost. And hurt. And confused again.

So Mom and Dad drug me into the OPS center this morning. It hadn't registered to me that it was because Nate was finally here.

I practically begged him to be the 5th person on the adult's paintball team for tomorrow. he laughed when he finally caved.  
He said, "You all never let me carry a gun around here, so I guess a paintball gun will be close enough."

No mind games towards me, yet. But I guess after tonight and what's bound to happen tomorrow, well, he'll know something is up.

Dad drove me home at lunch, and we agreed that he'd take me out driving again soon and nothing was going to go wrong this time. I promised to start reading the  
driver's manual.

I jumped on Facebook when I got home; I had aimed to boast about my Uncle Nate being home, but decided I probably shouldn't because of secret government reasons.

But the damage was already done.

That little green light saying that I was on brought the message from Clayton.  
That I didn't reply to.

"That's it. You've been ignoring me for almost a week. I know you're home. I'm coming over."

And there was even more damage.

Because Snob, she'd posted a picture of Clayton and herself.

He had her arm around her and he was smiling.

I bent down and I ripped my  
anklet off and slung it across the room.

I was pissed.

And soon enough, there he was at the door.

I knew that he wasn't going to leave until I let him in. I walked over to the door and pulled it open after he'd knocked several times. I opened it and walked away immediately.

He was already angry when I  
opened the door. But he came inside and made his way to the living room and demanded that I was being ridiculously rude.

That made me livid. "Oh really?" I snarled back at him.

He started to tell me how all of the sudden, I just randomly quit talking to him and how we'd made such progress in learning how to communicate and stuff.

"You're communicating alright," I threw back at him, "Just not with  
me."

"What are you even talking about?" he yelled.

"Don't even give me that shit," I snarled. That was the first time I'd ever cussed at him.

"What did I do? I don't understand!" he shouted again.

"You and Lexi! At softball last week? Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about."  
"I really don't know what you mean," he said more quietly, "what does she have to do with anything?"

Unbelievable.

"Explain this," I held out my phone with the picture of her and him on the screen.

"What is that?" he asked angrily.

"You tell me!" I shouted back.

"I have no idea how this..." he  
started, but I interrupted him.

"Just shut up!" I was almost crying. "If you're choosing her over me, just do it. Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about, don't pretend like you still care about me. Just get out of here, get out of my life. If she's the one who gets you, just don't make me anymore jealous about it than I already..."

And in the middle of that sentance, he'd moved across the room, pulled my jaw up to his  
and grabbed my lips with his and crushed them in a kiss.

I closed my eyes and I lived the moment through because this was what it felt to be kissed by Clayton Brooks and it felt too good.

But when my body stopped tingling and my brain woke up from his spell, I punched him in the nose and kicked his sorry ass out the door.

And I retreated to my room to  
straight up bawl my eyes out for the next hour.

Because I'd learned from Dad that Mom punching him did not solve any of their problems. Also, because Clayton kissed me, while with another girl. Because he was with another girl. Because I was jealous.

I'd had just a taste of what I wanted. What I had yet to admit that I wanted. And I can't have it. And its the thing I want most in the world.  
And apparently Mom and Dad caught a case. So I'm home alone tonight. They said paintball should still be on for tomorrow.

But I have to see him tomorrow. and well, I'm not sure I can.

So my head still hurts. And its hard to sleep with this much on my mind and no one to talk to. Not that I'd talk about it anyway. My mother's daughter.

-Gracie


	31. 71429

a/n: Sorry for the funky formatting, this copy and paste thing man.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/14/29

* * *

If I learned anything about Clayton through this paintball game today, it was that he's got way more self control than I ever will obtain.

Because he had the ability to act like yesterday never happened. He had the ability to make everyone else feel like nothing had happened yesterday.

And for a moment, I thought that maybe it was because of Snob. Maybe once I'd forced him to run  
away he'd gone to her.

But his eyes. They caught mine every once and a while. And they told me how hurt he really was.

But I was hurt too. I was hurt probably worse. Because he's the one who failed to communicate, right? The one leading me on while he's really off with her?

But our team work was fantastic.

Uncle Eric was the first out, he swore that if this was a video  
game he would have won. Uncle Nate went next. He put up a good fight, but he couldn't get away from Shelby and Kathleen. They're kind of rebels. Super good.

Samuel was the first to go on my side. He has no idea who took him out. But I know it was Mom. Sniper blood.

But then no one got out for a while. Aunt Nell was far too good at this. But once she got Shelby, Kathleen didn't have a partner. In  
crime. Kathleen went out, and I got Aunt Nell as she got Kathleen.

Then, it was just Clayton, me, and Mom and Dad.

"You and me, partner," he said softly, hiding with me behind the shed. His nose was a little swollen. I felt the pang of guilt hit my gut as his quiet words melted me.

And we made our attack.  
But Mom and Dad are good. They executed the perfect attack plan, placing paintballs through me like bullets. They snicked and high fived one another and cheered from their perch in a tall tree. I sighed. They'd won, we'd lost. Again.

Three more rounds ensued. But Mom and Dad always pulled victory for the adults. Each time with a fully executed plan; sometimes they got Aunt Nell in on it too.  
But they were so adorable.  
We were covered in paint and enjoying ourselves and eating snacks and having a grand old time just like we always do.

But Clayton and I were not okay.  
I wondered if it was ever like this for Mom and Dad. To have to work together as a team when their relationship was at the brink of crashing and burning into oblivion.

And Mom knew something was up with me.  
Because that night when everyone left and we'd cleaned up, she sat me down on the couch.

"What's going on?" she asked, nudging me with her elbow. "You never act like that with Clayton."

And again. You can't lie to a federal agent.

And I trust Mom. And I'm more comfortable talking to her now than I was before she was  
stabbed, before they got married, before I started learning all of this stuff.

So I told her.

I told her about Lexi, and the picture, and our fight. And our kiss.

But Mom just smiled.

And she shouted out, "Marty?"

And he sauntered out from their bedroom fresh from a shower, "Yes, sugarbear?"

And she was all, "Gracie had her first kiss yesterday. Clayton kissed her, as she was rambling on, and they were arguing due to lack of proper communication. Sound familiar? "

Dad rolled his head back in a belly shaking laugh. I sat there staring at him, until he calmed down enough to join us on the couch.

So apparently that's about how their first real kiss went.  
Not their first kiss, that was undercover, but the first real one.

They were on a case, Dad explained. They'd been into it over a lot of things... communication being one of those. And so, she was ranting at him about all this stuff about him being immature and not saying what he meant.

So he said what he meant, and met his lips to her and kissed her and then said, "How's that for communication?"  
"He kissed me and my brain fogged over and I ran off," Mom said, shaking her head in the memory.

"I couldn't stand to hear her go on like that anymore," Dad said, "plus I really wanted to kiss her."

They're so in love.

"You guys are going to have to learn how to communicate," Dad said, "or its not going to work. We had to deal with that, we hard to  
learn how to cross our frozen... Kens, does she know about the frozen lake?"

"No, I don't think so," Mom said.

Um. I was like... Look around... This isn't awkward...

"We had to go slowly. We had to stop and look at everything. and we still didn't do it right. But we got you, and now I have a beautiful wife, so it worked out. And we communicate just fine now."

"But you guys communicate with sex, and that's not cool for me."

Mom blushed and Dad looked slightly appalled, and he appeared ready to give me the 'no sex until you're 30' speech, but I was all, "Save it. What do I do?"

"You should probably apologize for punching him first, " Mom said.

"And talk about it. If you're anything like your mother, then that's going to be hard for you. But if he's anything like me, he'll be relieved when you do talk about you," Dad said.

"And let him explain himself," Mom said, "maybe he has an explanation. "

"And wear this," my Dad said, holding out my Deeks anklet. He'd found it. He'd kept it safe for me. He smiled.

"And here's your phone," Mom said.  
And they interlocked figures and walked away, into the kitchen to eat some leftover cake.

I dialed the number I knew so well. And he answered on the first ring.

"Hello?" he asked nervously.

"Will you come over?" I asked quietly.

"On my way," he said. And the phone line clicked.

Now all I can do is wait.

-Gracie


	32. 71529

A/n: So when I tried to fix the formatting, FF got all mad at me and did this whole align thing with font names and if you opened the chapter the first time I posted it you'll see it. But yeah, its unreadable, so I guess you'll get the format issues. I'm sorry. *sigh*

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/15/29

* * *

When he got here last night, Mom let him in and greeted him. She invited him in, and he saw me across the room by the sliding glass door.

I opened it up, and walked outside, motioning him to follow with my head.

He joined me on the back porch, and found me on the porch swing.  
A busted splattered paintball colored the chain on the swing,  
and Clayton snickered as he sat down next to me. He lifted his hand up to scratch it with his  
fingernail.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, I tucked my knees up against my chest. His feet touched the deck and rocked us back and forth, his knees swinging.

I suddenly felt self-conscious in my shorts and Dad's big LAPD hoodie, and I was cold. I pulled my knees in tighter.  
He finally looked up, and our eyes locked. I could see him. His face, the vulnerability.

I reached up and touched his pink, swollen nose. "I'm so sorry,"  
I said quietly. "There was just no call for that.

He shook his head, grabbed my hand and pushed it down and away from his face gently.

"I just don't understand Grace. We always take two steps  
forward and then take ten steps back," he said.

"I'm really jealous," I said, twirling my hair around my finger nervously. Taking Dad's advice was harder than I'd thought.

"Was this really all about that girl? Gracie, I don't even know her name," he said seriously. I was glad that he wasn't reacting to the fact that I'd admitted my jealousy.

"But you put your arm around  
her," I retorted quite angrily.  
"Look, she came over to me at the game, starting talking stats with me. YOUR stats, Gracie. She was talking about how good you are. And I wasn't going to be all rude to her. Then after the game, she pointed out some guy that she called her abusive ex, and asked me if I'd play along til he went away, and I was all, sure why not? It would be wrong not to help her. I had no idea someone had taken our picture!" Clayton said.  
And it made sense. Clayton would do that kind of thing.

"Yeah, well, it's her profile picture," I rolled my eyes.

"That little witch!" he proclaimed, snarling up his nose. He got out his phone, and checked out the situation. "I can't believe this."

Moments later, the dynamic between us changed.

"Gracie," his fingers ventured over my bare feet to play with my  
anklet, twisting it between the pads of his fingers, "there's no one else for me."

I melted.

"And I'm sorry about kissing you like that. I shouldn't have, but what you were saying... it was crazy. I don't want you to think that way. I would never lead you on."

My head wasn't connecting to my mouth.  
Words were in my head but they weren't coming out.

He smiled. "It's okay. The words will come."

Or not. I leaned toward him, inhaling deep his scent, scent of the sunshine. He didn't smell like the beach as much as Das does, but it was still very comforting.

"I don't like words," I said quietly.

"Sometimes we need to use them though. Because we suck at  
communication," he said.  
"I think I suck at communication, and you suck at forcing me to communicate. "

And then, I leaned in just a little bit more... and so did I.

Once again, our lips met and this time we kissed and it was nothing but us. No questions, no anger, no fire. Well, maybe a little fire.

"How's that for communication? " he said, pulling away.  
I smiled.

"Come here," he whispered. And I settled into his chest.

And we talked about stupid stuff. Random. Completely random stuff. His arms engulfed me like flames. But they were tight and warm.

Not only could I recognize my parents' love, but now I know how it feels like.  
"Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?" I asked. He said no, and I filled him in with a synopsis and informed him of the sequel.

I was tired. Really tired. I felt my eyes drifting shut and my mouth kept running.

"What's Finding Dory about?" he asked in a yawn.

Dory goes missing and Marlin has to go find her, because he's fallen for her.  
"Its a love story," I mumbled, as I drifted off.

I woke up this morning to the chirping of birds and the bright sunshine. I squirmed around. I felt a big blanket around me, and two strong arms.

And I realized that I'd fallen asleep in Clayton's arms.

Clayton soon woke up too, and he realized what we'd done.

"My Mom is going to kill me," he  
said. It didn't sound like he regretted it too much.

"No she's not," I heard Mom say, walking outside. "I called her last night, said you'd fallen asleep, explained it, covered you guys up. She's cool. Now, how about some breakfast? Dad helped me make pancakes."

I missed Dad teaching Mom how to make pancakes. Darn.

They were really good pancakes.  
I'm slightly surprised that last night happened and our parents aren't pissed.

I guess it's because they know. They just know. Nothing really happened. It was pretty innocent.

But they do know. They know we just needed last night. We needed that to be okay again.

Maybe more than okay.

I mean, Mom and Dad have to get  
it. Because they lived it. And well, we see where they are.  
We're going to the shelter to look for our new furry friend soon. Better go.

I don't know what's really going on in my head right now.

-Gracie


	33. 71629

A/n: Hit 200 reviews. Thanks you guys! I'm only 10 days behind now! :)

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/16/29

* * *

We have a new pet in the Deeks household!

And there was no arguing about her name, because we adopted her, and she already had a name.

So we didn't get Monty Jr. But we got Fern, a German Shepherd. A rescue dog, maybe not with puppy tramatic stress disorder, but a rough little life. Fits in around here.

Mom and Dad fell in love with her.

Once we met her, there was like, no other option for us. I mean, the dog's name is Fern after all; that's something between them.

I learned that that's just simply an overused nickname, Dad wanted to get under her skin. Fern worked. Fern got under her skin, and he just kept using it. But now, it all makes sense.

Mama Brooks invited Mom, Dad, Fern and I to come over for dinner. But Mom and Dad were more involved in this than I had  
anticipated.

It started out all sweet and kind, Clayton and Mama Brooks petted Fern and everything was chill.

But it turned a little more evil.

Mama Brooks was a pretty chill woman, my parents have been friends for a while. Mom especially, heck, she loves all of my friend's moms. Its a similar with Dad, except, just not as much considering Clayton's father is dead.

And there's no cover story. Because that just doesn't explain why my parents get shot and stabbed and disappear for long periods of time.

They just accept that they can't know. Doesn't kill the curiosity though.

And because our parents all trust one another, they can pull this kind of stuff on us.

Our little night of dog petting and dinner was a trap.

Mama Brooks and Mom explained that they'd noticed a change in our friendship.

"Why does it feel like we've been called into the principal's office?"

Dad laughed and said, "Why did we recreate?" Mom lightly smacked his knee.

And they lectured us on how sleeping in each other's arms was a one time thing and how that kind of behavior would not be allowed moving forward.  
I could feel Clayton's eye roll from far away.

And we couldn't deny that there was a thing, because everyone knew there was.

We sat awkwardly, way awkwardly, through this entire little lecture about that night. They weren't upset, they just wanted to make it clear that it wasn't allowed to happen again.

They weren't even condoning us for being closer, kissing... They just didn't want us sleeping together. Which makes sense. Responsible parenting. It made for an awkward talk, talks I'd never imagined I'd be having with these three adults. But it made sense. I got the message.

"You guys get what we're saying here?" Mom asked. We both nodded.

"Great. Now, how about some pie?" Mama Brooks offered.

As we walked into the kitchen,  
Clayton whispered in my ear. "Did we just get their blessing?"

And I whispered, "I think so."

When we got home tonight and I was getting ready for bed and settling in to write in here...  
Mom came in and gave me a kiss on the forehead and told me she hoped they hadn't embarrassed me too much. I shrugged.

She was about to leave when she said, "Oh by the way, you have an appointment tomorrow."  
I did a mental calendar check...  
Dentist? No thats in December.  
Optometrist? Uh uh. I went in April.  
Ortho? Nope. Already been this month.  
Doctor? I got my sports physical this spring. I should be good until next spring.

Mom saw the confusion on my face.

"Dr. Getz has requested his favorite patient see him tomorrow," she smiled, as she  
left my room.

Well, better get my stories straight. Or I mean, why bother? Nate's going to sort through it himself anyway.

-Gracie


	34. 71729

Gracie's Journal 7/7/29

* * *

I've been shrinked.

But at least its by someone I love.

Uncle Nate had chosen the NCIS gym as the perfect place to interrogate... I mean... talk.. to me. Because that was a good idea.

He had me harnessed up and wanted me to climb the rock wall. I did not see the point in this.

I climbed with ease, and Nate said that I was easily trusting and that was important. I said that no, I wasn't easily trusting, but I trusted Nate. Nate argued that I was skeptical of him but trusted him anyway.

He suggested 1 on 1 basketball but I told him he didn't stand a chance. He asked me a few quick dainty questions, ones that weren't deep at all. Once I destroyed him, he asked if I'd go adventuring with him.

Our adventure was up to his office, where he swore he hadn't been in in over ten years. The room was covered in a thick layer of dust.

And the questions began to poor out.

"So, how are you adapting to your changing family dynamic?"

"My Mom and Dad have a piece of paper that makes it more difficult for them to walk away from one another. Besides the fact that they can't just split up in a moments notice, not much else has changed," I said.

"Lie number one, Gracie Marie. Try again. You know it means more to you than that."

"Okay. Yeah, I mean its kind of a big deal. They're MARRIED. I kind of like having that example of the wife and then the husband. And its a little different, but a good different."

"You've waited for this for a long time?"  
"Yeah, 15 good years. Worth it though, to see them through. Their first kiss, gosh Uncle Nate. It was beautiful."

"They need each other," Uncle Nate nodded, "been saying that for 20 years."

We laughed.

Uncle Nate's next order of buisness was the recent news of my grandfather.

I explained as best as I possibly could that it just didn't make sense, how Dad could think he was a terrible father when in my eyes he was the best in the world. Uncle Nate tried to break it down in small words but basically what he was saying was that a rough childhood can mess with your head for life. I said I still didn't get it, but he told me it was okay not to understand.

I told him how frustrated I was about these secrets that are being kept from me. Uncle Nate said that to a degree, my parents  
were just trying to shelter me from the things that caused them heartache through the years, but in the process made my life seem way more complicated than it needed to be.

Uncle Nate kinda knows what he's talking about.

He asked if there was a boy and after I turned 500 shades of red he knew there was, and I said that maybe there was. He reminded me that my parents were not good examples to follow  
in love.

"Now, don't take that the wrong way. The unconditional love your father has for your mother and vice versa is an excellent example for you to follow, but the process of getting together... do not take that from your parents."

But his questions got tougher. They began to shift about my fears and nightmares and how I'd come out if Mom or Dad wound up dead or if someone were out to kill me.  
You know. All those things I try not to think about.

The questions about how Mom and Dad's positions affected my personal life.

And I began to spill about Clayton thinking they were assassins and all the times I've lied to Kathleen and Shelby and I suddenly felt like crying.

Uncle Nate had me right where he wanted me. I was not as stable as I thought I was.  
I love Mom and Dad. And they have cool jobs. But I don't like them.

I want them to not be in danger every day. I want them to have jobs where my life is stable. I want them to do something where I don't have to lie to my friends about it.

Mostly, I want them to live forever. And I know its not possible but its what I want and the thought of either of them getting killed on the job scares the hell out of me.

Uncle Nate knew he'd hit the soft spot, and said we could wrap up for the day; if I promised not to hate him and talk to him one more time before he went back on his super secret world thing.

He reminded me one more time that anything we discussed was just between us. But I didn't believe that. But he promised.

The last thing Mom and Dad need to know is that I'm worried about their occupation.

Stress.

-Gracie


	35. 71929

So. I'm in school now.

So this will not get updated much.

But I didn't have much homework, so here's a short something.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/19/29

* * *

I did not realize that when Mom and Dad got married, I would become their marriage counselor.

Okay I'm not, but I am.

They both came in shouting, "I want a divorce!"

I developed that look of terror in my eyes that I got when I went driving with Dad. Because I thought they were being serious.

How long have they been married, two and a half weeks? About?

But no. They saw the look in my eyes and heard the "You want a what!?" I called out.

So they were on a stake-out today. Had a little too much time locked together in the car. Without being able to.. you know. Yeah.

They may be married but there's still this thing called sexual tension and they do not know how to deal with it.

Apparently he kept sticking his finger in her ear and all this sort of touchy but not touchy stuff...

I didn't want to hear it.

So I suggested that maybe Mom come with me, help me back for team camp next week, while Dad chilled with some TV. That way they got a little separation from one another. Plus I really didn't want to pack.

Team camp is the best. Eh. kinda. Before the tournament starts in August, we go to team camp. We get to bond, and work on strategies, and have some pretty intense practices. It would make more sense to do it in like, spring before the season starts but... oh well.

Mom and I spent about 45 minutes packing, and then I helped her in the kitchen. We successfully managed to make some macaroni and cheese. Dad's starting to eat things we cook without asking if it's poisonous.

Fern has adjusted pretty well. She's a pretty chill dog. Once she really realized we weren't dangerous people, and that we'd feed her on a regular basis, she relaxed. She still likes to beg for table scraps.

There really isn't a lot going on. I'm going to Clayton's tomorrow. I leave for team camp on Sunday. Nate's leaving Saturday so I'll have to talk to him once more before camp. I really don't know what else to say.

Nate's just got me to thinking and questioning. And these are things I don't like thinking and questioning. And its still stressing me out. PLUS when I'm at team camp there is no technology at team camp.

No bad reality TV. No social media. No cell phones. No 15 year old Major Crimes reruns. No texting.

No communication with Clayton.

It's like Mom and Dad not being to communicate undercover.

Except like, I'm not in danger of getting killed or anything. And it's only for a week, not indeterminately.

And I'm not a fed. So.

I'm probably going to go drink a juice box and take a nap.

#foreverafiveyearold

-Gracie


	36. 72029

a/n: Hello readers! I have gotten an anonymous request (maybe more than once) to do a Deeks LAPD undercover thing. And I thought about it. And the plot bunnies came and now this beautiful idea came and I promise it is coming but you'll have to be patient. It's not too many updates away but it may take me a while. I'm sorry but I can only try.

OH and screwed up formatting is back. It's that or all the terrible /.-dfgnkdf erg/- stuff I get when I try to format it. If anyone knows why that happens, you should tell me and show me how to fix it.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/20/29

* * *

The importance of what happened today.

Mom and Dad went to work.

I went to Clayton's, dressed conformable in a WHITE tank top and WHITE shorts. Took Fern with me.

We were at his house alone. His mom has a life too.

I got to his house and kicked off my shoes and we sat down and played video games and stuff. Had some lunch. More games. I always think he and Uncle Eric would enjoy one another. Because he's definitely the king the video game nerds.

He warned me that his mom had broken a vase this morning and that most of the glass was picked up, but there may be a few small shards still laying by the window.

We got to talking, after a good 5 or 6 rounds of Call of Duty.

About our thing and stuff.

He was sitting there playing with my anklet, as I've noticed he likes to do. He traced lines from my  
anlet to my purple toenails and up to the middle of my calfs.

"Damn girl. These things are rocks," he said. I was obviously embarrassed, and giggled. But I wasn't embarrassed enough to make a snarky remark, like "Um, duh."

"You are such a carbon copy of your mom. Except for the eye thing," he said. "And your hair, its curlier. And you've got your dad's sense of humor. You took like all the positive qualities of each of  
them and bundled it up together in one place."

And he continued on, "And you're not just like a one sided blah boring hot girl. You have depth. And I just know there's another layer to pull back and more of you that I need to discover. And I'm so intrigued."

His rambling confession of his feelings for me had me blushing... and ready to run for the door. But I didn't.  
Because Mom ran. Mom didn't let  
Dad in to unlock her tragic back story until much too late, and look at the wasted time?

So when he said, "You're beautiful," I didn't punch him or inflict any bodily harm or run.  
I stayed put.

Our eyes talked for a while. It was my turn for a confession, but I needed time for words to come and I needed space to figure out how to talk about this.

"Fern, she probably needs to go  
out." I whispered.

"I'll take her. You can stay here," he said, patting me on the knee.

He knew exactly what I was doing but not giving me the chance to run. I could run but he was keeping the dog if I did.

I didn't want to run and I did want time to think so it worked out.

My head spun as I watched Clayton and Fern walk out the door.  
I gently got up, and sank my feet into the carpet as I walked toward the window to follow him with my eyes.

Until I felt a sharp pain in my heel.

And a gush of red warm liquid seep onto the carpet.

I stepped on some glass.

Immediately I hobbled down the hall, trying to avoid bleeding on  
his carpet, to the bathroom.

I picked the glass out of my foot, and it was a pretty large chunk. I was sprawled all over the side of the bathtub with my foot propped up on my knee.

I was bleeding a lot. I tried to stop it with toilet paper and I couldn't find any band-aids and I was frantically searching and bleeding at the same time...

And I heard the door open.  
"GRACE?! Where are you? Are  
you okay?!" I froze up.

Soon I heard footsteps in front of the bathroom door.

"Grace, you in there? Can I come it?" he called.

I managed to say yes, don't ask me how.

He came in and saw me and I said, "I cut my foot on some glass."

"I thought something happened  
to you," he said, nervously.

"Well, something did happen to me," I replied.

"Not what I meant. Let's get that bleeding stopped. Can I take a look at your foot?"

I nodded, and he grabbed a towel and we wrapped my heel in it and he pressed against it tightly. It hurt but I tried to pretend it didn't.

The bleeding seemed to stop after a while under pressure.  
He wet the other end of the towel and cleaned the dried blood off gently.

"Think we should put peroxide on it or something?"

We agreed that yes, we probably should.

As he dabbed the stinging liquid to my foot I hissed. He was gentle.. but it hurt like hell.

"You have a way with me Brooks.  
When things sting and hurt like hell and I can't see the light at the end... there you are. I see your smile, hear your laugh, watch you play with your hair... just, there you are.

"Here I am," he smiled, placing a big band aid over my heel and kissing my temple.

My talk wasn't as elaborate, but I guess with us Blye women, heartfelt words are more important than elaborate speeches.  
He helped me hobble into the living room, and I apologized profusely for bleeding on the carpet.

I said I'd help him clean but he said no, and that I should sit down and prop my foot up and heel before team camp.

Team camp will suck.

Mom texted me when she got to Clayton's house, and he helped me up and then made sure I could walk a solid straight line without falling over.

I turned to him.

Our eyes locked.

It was a magical moment right there, standing mesmerized by each other's eyes.

He pulled my chin up to his, and pressed my lips against his.

"So, I'll see you in a week?" he said.

"Yeah a week."

I was kind of high on him so there's not a lot I wouldn't have agreed to at that point.

Fern and I made our way to the car. Gingerly I got in.

That was about the time I realized how much blood was actually on my shirt and pants, fingertip smudges of it and that place above my knee where my foot rested.

Mom was like... ._.

"I cut my foot on some glass," I said.

"Mmhm. Sure you did," she said.

"Mom, that's actually what happened."

"No no I believe you," she said.

"Then why are you..." I started.

"Shhh..." she said, "but your father is washing that. It's his turn to wash the bloody clothing."

Why we have a cycle for this, is a main reason why my family is quite dysfunctional.

I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say Mom cut her foot on some glass once upon a time.

Just making an assumption.

-Gracie


	37. 72129

Gracie's Journal 7/21/29

* * *

What is the thing I want most on the world?

My heel was bugging me and since I leave for camp tomorrow I needed to straighten up, put my big girl panties on and deal with it.

Found myself at the batting cages whacking the tar out of poor innocent softballs.

And Uncle Nate showed up.

"Your skipping out on me," he called, as I shoved another token in the machine. It rattled and clicked and launched a ball me way.

"More important things I got to do," I called back, swinging my bat around.

"More important than me? I'm hurt," Uncle Nate fake-whined.

"What do you want?" I asked, taking my anger out on the ball that made contact with the bat.

"You don't want to talk about things. But you need to,"

"Excuse me, have you ever met my mother?" I shouted back. He glared.

When I went to put another token in the machine, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the cage. I faught it, but not enough. I mean, to do otherwise would just make me look like a brat.

His question is coming. Everytime he comes he leaves everyone with a question. One that he doesn't stick around to help you answer, not one that anyone can help you with either. No, when he leaves, you spend the next 4 months trying to answer his damn question.

I don't want a question.

"There's the exact reason we have to have this talk, your parents aren't great examples of positive mental health."

"Nate. Stop. They aren't abusive towards me, they aren't neglecting me, they aren't starving me, you don't need to call CPS on me."

"That's not what I meant," he said.

Eye roll.

"Let's cut the attitude Grace Marie."

In a moment of weakness and annoyance... "Fine. I'm in love with my best friend, and I'm pretty sure he's in love with me  
too. My parents are the happiest that I've ever seen them, and sure they still bicker but if they didn't I think the world would crash and burn. I'm pretty sure Nell and Eric are becoming a thing or are a thing or have a thing or whatever. We got a new dog and I mean she's cool. But I'm just... I'm overwhelmed and I'm just not happy."

"There we go," Nate said, smiling.

And the question.  
"What is the thing that you want most in the world?"

"You know, for the longest time it was for Mom and Dad to get married. And then for a while it was Clayton. And now, I have no idea."

"You weren't supposed to answer that, you're supposed to answer it to yourself later on," Uncle Nate said and laughed, "I thought you knew how this worked?"

Nate leaned over and pressed a kiss into my temple. "Love you Gracie. I must report my findings to Hetty and I'm back to saving the world, one brain at a time."

He started to walk away.

But he turned and called back to me.

"Gracie?"

"Yeah?"

"When you find it, chase after it. Don't let it out of your sight."

"Okay Uncle Nate." I said. He smiled, he waved, and he was gone.

Back at home, my mind just ran over and over the question.

I couldn't keep it in. So I asked Dad.

"Dad, what's the thing I want most in the world?"

"You Blye women and the idea of wanting something most in the world!" he called out with a hearty laugh.

I gave him this glare.

There is always an elaborate back story. Knifes and racoons and boxes and apparently the frozen lake.

This lake has been referenced many a time before, but I've never been informed of its meaning until now.

So I could write out my conversation with Dad because its quite interesting really. But I think if I were to ask Mom she'd give a different run down, so I'm going to paraphrase what's least likely to be falsified.

So Mom and Dad hooked up.

Then fill in the story about not taking the shot. And it ended in the shooting range (that fancy room that Momma taught me to fire a SIG and a Bareta in) with Mom "standing on her frozen lake".

The frozen lake represents the thing you want most in the world. The thing that you'll do anything to get. You want it so bad. So you think you can go out and get it before the ice cracks, but you can't avoid it because the ice is already cracking around you.

So I guess I'm looking for what I'm willing to cross my frozen lake for. For Mom, it was Dad. For me, that's the question.

I can't decide if the question is more or less intimidating than the lake.

Dad scared me a little though.

There's something else they're holding on. He stated to say "And then Afghanistan and the tort..."

And then he bailed on that sentence.

I'm being lied to I'm being lied to I am being lied to.

Come on, there can't be that many words that start with tort. We got torch, which only kind of works, and then there is tortoise, which is completely illogical in that sentence.

Somebody got tortured and no one has told me about it.

Today sucks.

-Gracie


	38. 72529

a/n: Not so sure about this chapter. Warning: it's about to get dark. Really dark. I did not go into details. It's just dark. You may not want to read this if that idea bothers you.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/25/29

* * *

I am done. Everything hurts, burns, stings. I can't take a deep breath in because my ribs and my lungs hurt too much.

I'm scared. Of course, I can't tell admit that. But damn it I'm afraid.

I don't want to be writing about this. But here I am. I guess I don't have much choice.

Mom's here, so is Dad. Mom was crying earlier, Dad was comforting her. His eyes were  
teary too, and it was like a damn soap opera in here. You know when the young girl is in grave condition and the family has to make a decision about what's coming.

Except I'm not in grave condition. Maybe mental health wise, but not physically. Physically, I'm bruised, beaten, burnt, scarred. But mentally, I need my Uncle Nate back.

Since it all happened, everything has occured to me in flashes, like  
a buzz. I just can't catch a grip, a hold of it.

And now my usually sun-kissed tan skin is pale as my bed sheets, and the harsh artificial lighting makes it paler in comparison.

I can't see anyone who isn't my Mom or Dad. I heard Mom tell Dad that Clayton is having a fit.

I can't be seen. I look like hell. But apparently if I'm shocked or scared, I could become violent.  
I don't want to talk about what happened to me. But here's the quickest version of the story that I can come up with.

Team camp. That happened. Mom and Dad had a case a billion years ago. Some idiot got out of jail. They decided it would be fun to kidnap me from team camp and try to kill me.

So they catch me in the dark, on the way back to the tents and stuff. I'd left my headband back at one of the diamonds, and went  
back alone in the dark. And attacked. I was targeted.

The crazy kidnapper dude tried everything to kill me- except for actually killing me. Burns, cuts, beatings. Lots of things.  
Lots of things I just don't want to talk about.

And the entire time, I was completely emotionless. Over it. Done. I kept holding on to that hope- that Mom and Dad are really good at their jobs and this is what. They do and they will  
find me.

But their jobs got me in this mess in the first place.

Once they found me, I was deemed mentally unstable and placed in this little isolated hospital room. I've been poked and prodded like a little test subject.

I'm really confused. There's so much going on. I don't understand. I found this, and my I-Pod at the foot of my bed. I have  
no idea where my phone is. I want it.

Right now, Dad is getting a phone call in the hall. He looks angry, upset. He hangs up, and whispers something to Mom. She seems angry, devastated. He struggles then. Part of him is pulling away, part of him is trying to drawl in.

And he kisses Mom, grabs her shoulders. He hugs her. And now, he's walking away. Mom's looking back at him, eyes filled  
with tears again. Her hands brush strands of hair away from her face. She glances at me through the window.

She's bawling her eyes out.

God help us all.

-Gracie


	39. 72629

A/n: Guys I couldn't even leave it there it was bugging the crap out of me. Have some answers.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/26/29

* * *

Dad's gone.

Mom is a mess. From head to toe, she is a mess. Her hair is frazzled, stray pieces still sticking up by her cheeks.

Her and I. And some doctors.

Mom said he's been called to go undercover for the LAPD.

I can't believe it.

He wouldn't leave for that, would he? In the middle of this.

Half of me says that he walked out on Mom. He's done with us. This is too hard. Bye.

But then again I know Marty Deeks and this is not Marty Deeks.

It's the crazy 'I've just been tortured' mind games talking.

And they suck. They're all talking at once, and back and forth to each other.

And they're mean to one another. There's the nice one, the one that sounds like Clayton. Its his face in my mind. It tells me that this too will pass and that it's going to be okay. It says Dad didn't want to leave and that he loves me. But the other voice, its dark and angry like my torturer, and it's mean to the Clayton voice.

There are 4 cards on the table. Shelby. Kathleen. Samuel. Clayton. I want to read them but I can't stand to go get them.

The doctors say I'm stable. They've treated all the wounds that they can.

The wounds they can't fix are the ones in my head.

Half of me pulls to Mom, to want to cry and tell her everything- to allow myself to be comforted. The other half makes me want to run like Dad did.

He had to go, Grace. Stop thinking that.

For the first time I am seeing that maybe I am not the perfect mix of both of them.

Am I as mentally unstable as they say I am? I'm asking Mom questions and she's not replying to me. I've asked her for my cards twice. I've asked her for my father back about a million times.

The doctors try to talk to Mom when they think I can't hear. I'm not deaf, I hear every single word.

"We won't know how bad her mind is until she talks."

Aren't I talking?

I'm not talking.

So I'm just forming thoughts in my head, and not saying them?

The doctors also say it's a good thing that I'm writing this much. It shows I'm capable of forming thoughts at least. I don't think these thoughts are that disturbing.

I'm trying to say Mom right now. She's sitting beside me glaring at the white wall.

Mouth open. Lips push against each other.

It came out as a grunt. Mom snapped into attention.

"Mom?"

"Yes, baby," she said, looking at me with caring and concerned eyes.

"Am I going to be okay?" I asked.

She kissed my temple, right above my eyebrow, which had a set of stitches in it. She nodded. "It's not as bad as it seems right now."

"I thought I was talking this whole time," I said.

"You were. You were writing. And writing is kind of like talking,"she said softly.

"It was really bad, Mom." The tears gathered. My voice swallowed.

"I know," she replied.

Torture.

Mom does know.

Mom was tortured too.

What is happening?

"Mom?" I asked.

"Not right now baby. But we're going to get through this. Together. All of us."

"All of us."

"Dad was..."

Her nod was all I needed.

What kind of cruel world is this?

-Grace

* * *

This was really emotional for me. I write a lot of deep stuff (most of which is not ff) and this is about the most emotional I've gotten writing.

And this is still shorter than I thought it would be but DOUBLE UPDATE today so this is more than I usually do


	40. 73029

Gracie's Journal 7/30/29

* * *

Three days. Three days of nothing.

The doctors are pleased on my physical recovery.

Every psychiatrist that they throw my way makes me worse. I don't want to talk to any of them. In fact, I won't.

I do understand that I am a mental health disaster and yeah I will need to talk. And maybe not  
about what happened, but about where I'm going from here.

And the only person I'll talk to is Uncle Nate.

Mom is still the only one I am allowed to see until I am deemed emotionally stable.

I'm not violent. Stupid hospital protocol.

I'm allowed to get up to go pee now. Major improvement. The bed confinement is not nice.  
I have my phone. I'm not allowed to text Dad. Wouldn't matter. He doesn't have his phone anyway.

I typed a text to Clayton. I didn't send it. He's only sent me one.

"I miss you."

He's so good. He's not trying to give me sympathy. He knows that thats not what I want. He's not being lovey-dovey. He just said he missed me. So why can't I reply?

Mom threatened the nurses. She needed to go home. Take a shower. But she wasn't leaving me here alone. Grandma was allowed in temporarily.

Mom came back. She wasnt crying. Her face was hollow, sad. She had 2 envelopes.

One said Kens on the front. It was tucked in her jacket pocket, the paper ripped.

The other read Gracie.  
Dad wrote me a letter, left it at the house before he left. Not ran away. Went undercover.

I'm pressing my thumbs all across the envelope, and holding it to my chest.

The paper smells like him.

I can't get myself to open it yet.

This could be my last communication with Dad for a long time. Or he could be back  
tomorrow.

But by Mom's expression, I take it he will be gone for a very long time.

Uncle Nate is on his way upstairs. He came back for me.

Mom's not going to be in here during this. By my choice.

Mom helped me out of bed and into a plush chair. She said she was going to the lobby.  
Clayton is in the lobby. And the girls. She asked if I wanted her to tell them anything for me.

"Tell them I'm not going down without a fight," I said, faking a smile.

"No doubt about that, Gracie."

She left.

Nate met her in the hall, and pulled her into a hug. A big, big hug.  
When Uncle Nate came in, he smiled at me.

"I got your parents through this, and I can get you through it too."

No questions about what happened. Questions about if I was angry. Sad. Eating. Sleeping. Voices.

"There is no reason for you to be locked up in here and isolated. I'll see what I can do about this," he said.

I was thankful.

But he said that to be safe, we'd limit visitations and who could visit. I agreed. Too overwhelmed already, we don't need to make it any worse.

Uncle Nate called Mom, and I got to listen. I knew they weren't hiding things from me.

He left to speak to my doctors, and Mom came up.

The letter remains unopened.

The next step isn't clear.

I can't send Clayton a text message.

Mom just saw him.

She's not going to lie to me, she says he looks like hell.

Mom looks like hell.

I bet I do too.

-Grace


	41. 73129

A/n: So. Tiny Tiva reference in here. This is supposed to be a reflection on what Deeks did to Kensi in Ascension, even if its kinda Clayton centered. (Oh, we got a ship name, but I can't remember it right now) No fear! I shall update soon, I promise.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 7/31/29

* * *

This room is less white than the other one.

It has a nice green and blue painting on the wall.

Its not my father.

Uncle Nate's been talking to Mom. He's been talking to me, but I think Mom probably needs to talk too.

Uncle Sam and Uncle Callen have been into see me. They're so supportive. Especially Uncle Sam. He tells me that he's so proud of me.

So apparently Clayton and Sam and Kathleen and Shelby know about the federal agent thing now.

Because when Clayton came in to see me for the first time he said, "Federal agents, huh?"

"Yeah, well, one federal agent and one cop. But yeah."  
"So I guess that's where your Dad..."

"We're not allowed to talk about that." I said quietly. I sat up and crossed my legs, sitting Indian style on my bed. It hurt a little bit, but it was weird talking to him while lying down.

"I'd apologize," he said, "but that would only annoy you."

I faked a smile and nodded.

"That smile is fake." he said sadly.  
"Yeah, not a lot to smile about right now." I said.

"I'm here," he said.

"And believe me, you've gotten me through a lot of this," I said, without thinking, "but I don't think you can get me through this."

He walked around my bed, sitting on my right side, and gingerly grabbing my hand.  
"What do you mean, I got you through a lot of this?"

"The place I went to in my head, to stop the pain, was you," I said. "But now I don't know how I'm going to keep going on from here. Your voice, its in my head, and I can't make sense of it all and I'm tired and I miss my fathe..."

His lips met mine.

"And I don't think I can so this right now."  
"What?" he asked.

"I don't think I can do this right now."

He narrowed his eyes.

"What do you mean?" he asked. "I want to be here for you."

"I can't handle all of this. There's too much going on and I just need to..."

"Are you breaking up with me?"  
The moment of truth.

"Clayton, that's not what I meant."

"Is this a bad time to be upset with you? Are you thinking clearly? I know your Mom said your mentally unstable but..." he stood up.

"Shut up!" I shouted. "Don't you dare make fun of me! I've lived through too much hell for this!"

He sat back down. "I didn't mean that. But I just don't understand."

"I don't either. And that's why we can't do this. We have to be careful, with our thing, or its just going to explode and end and we can't take that risk right now."

"I'm going to apologize now, because I'm an ass like that. I'm so sorry Grace. I'm so sorry."

Our eyes locked for the longest time. He squeezed my hand.

"So this is it?" he asked, sadly.

"No. Don't say it like that." I said.

"But that's what it is." he said.

I tried to deny it.

"Can I do this?" he kissed me again, this time, with the most passion I think he possesses in his entire body.

"No." I said, with his forehead against mine.

"Then this is it."

"Until it gets better."

"Mmhm. Yeah. I get it." he said, clearing his throat. "But I don't want to leave you right now."

I let go of his hand. And he took the message.

"Okay. This isn't easy," he said, walking backwards toward the door.

"Hardest 180 of my life," he said softly, and then he was gone.

And I felt really empty.

And when Mom came in with take out and said, "Our favorite Yummy-Yummy Heart Attack opened back up!"

I didn't even fake a smile.

-Gracie


	42. 8329

a/n: I am on a roll.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 8/3/21

* * *

Welcome home.

Welcome home.

Welcome home.

The hospital let me go. Body was healthy enough. As long as Nate continues to monitor my brain, the doctors think that Mom can take care of me.

So I'm home. I have lots of cards and gifts and stuff.

And I have Aunt Nell and Uncle Eric who decorated the place.

Everyone is all preppy and I'm just meh.

Its the first time I've seen myself in a mirror since the thing happened. Prediction confirmed: I do look like hell.

But I honestly don't care. Bruises? Eh. Scars? Also eh. Not trying to impress anyone anymore.

Walking around the house is too hard. I keep looking for Dad.

I crashed on the couch around three.

Mom woke me up around 3:30.

She wrapped her arms around me. "Have you read your Dad's letter yet?"

I shook my head.

She squeezed me tighter. "I get what you're going through. I know, its dark, and its hard. I  
know, it is really bad."

Mom held me. She rocked me back and forth. She told me about Afghanistan. She told me about the how she found comfort in Dad's arms, and his big hug.

But she said that they got home and then they weren't together, and how hard that was.

"I love you baby girl," Mom said, kissing my forehead.

"And I'm sure your Dad has so  
many things to say to, and that letter is probably only the beginning."

So I found myself opening the letter.

Dear Baby Girl,

Gracie. My beautiful, darling daughter. I can't believe this. This is so wrong. This should never have happened: you should never have to go through something like this, and I should never have left. But I gotta get this bastard.

Whenever it is that you're reading this- today, a week from now, whenever- I promise that I'm thinking of you and Mom. I wish I could be there with you. I want that more than anything else. I want you to feel better, feel safe, and not have demons or voices or insomnia.

Mom and I, we've both been through this. And I'm not saying that either of us can make it better. Because we can't. It is going to take time.  
Since I can't be there with you, I'll tell you this. After I was tortured, I blocked your Mom out. I blocked everyone out, the whole team.

I tried to go through it alone. And knowing you, you'll probably do the same. And I know, it makes sense to just let the voices talk themselves through. But baby, I couldn't get through it. I couldn't do it without your Momma. Once she came and forced her way into my life again with cronuts  
and take-out, and only then could I heal.

And then when she needed help, she did allow me to love her. Ya know, until the whole three hearts thing... okay point made but she didn't struggle as much as I did.  
She was able to get through it, and Gracie, I don't want you in the place I was in.

Let people love you and love them and don't be afraid. Run after what you want. Even if you don't think you want it. Seeing  
you with Clayton, warms my heart. He's such a good, sweet kid. Mom and I find it so amusing and beautiful to watch you two fall in love, and I don't want you to throw that away like I almost did to your Mom. Because well, I needed her. She was the only thing that got me through.

This is the most terrible thing that has happened since Mom and I have worked with NCIS. And we don't want you to go through something like this ever again. We love you, and we're  
going to protect you.

I'll be home soon. I want to hold you and rock you and love you. But Mom is capable of loving you just as much as I am, and feel my love in everything she says and does until I get home.

I love you,  
Dad

Exactly what have I done?

Holy shoot what have I done?

He needs to come home.

I have no idea what to do. What am I doing? Clayton. Like Mom and I did.

Maybe I should go find Uncle Nate.

And talk to Mom about cronuts.

-Gracie


	43. 8729

A/n: So this is about the darkest it's going to get, but it again is not graphic and no violence mentioned. So also, I've done some time jumping, as she's not 'journaling' as much with the mental health issues going on. But seriously, by the end of this lots will be resolved, and next update will make people very happy.

* * *

Gracie's Journal 8/7/29

* * *

Apparently I need to get out more.

Its summer and I wasn't just tortured or anything like that.

Again the scars and the bruises they don't bother me. But I still feel like crap and I'm living on painkillers and social situations make me very nervous.

But Shelby and Kathleen decided that we needed a girls 'beach day', and Mom said as long as she went to protect me from the  
dude out to kill me, it would be okay.

I really did not want to go but they were so insistent and even Uncle Nate encouraged it.

So we were at the beach, and there was lots of sun and I'm sure the Vitamin D did me a lot of good.

I couldn't get into the gossip that Kathleen and Shelby were dishing out. Its not even like normal gossip, its like baseball  
stats. And I just didn't care. I tanned and I took a nap and I stuck my toes in the water and I was ready to go home.

On the way home Mom asked about Dad's letter and I said I'd opened it. She asked if it helped, and I said a little.

She asked about Clayton and I said I hadn't talked to him.

I know what Dad said. I know exactly why he said it. He knew I'd do this- and I did. And he  
knew that Clayton would be essential to my healing, yet I couldn't see it. I've fallen, and I am falling, into the hole Dad fell into. And I'm sinking.

I need the two most important men in my life. They're going to make or break me. Mom is fantastic and I feel all of the love she's giving to me and Uncle Nate is doing all he can but Dad and Clayton are going to be the ones who determine whether or not I get through this.  
Its in the back of my mind that Dad may never make it home. He could get killed. If he gets killed, I'm done trying to get better.

I know Clayton will be here for me with just one text or call but I can't bring myself to do it because I was such a coward for ditching him in the first place.

I'm just giving up, more and more every day.

Mom knows this too. She can see it in my eyes. I can sleep all day  
but I'm still tired, Yummy Yummy Heart Attack doesn't even make me hungry, I don't have interest in Major Crimes reruns. Fern scared me when she started licking my hand an hour ago.

Everyone is so worried about me. And I'm starting to not even care anymore.

Mom tried story time. Told me about 'Justin and Melissa' and the sex dungeon and the gay pastry people and all the crazy in that op. And I think before this,  
I would have cracked up at that. But today I found it a struggle to even fake a smile. It was humorous, really. I just, can't.

Mom wanted to cry. But she patted me on the knee and excused herself from the room.

I followed her to the other room, and pressed my ear to the door to see what she was doing, to hear if she was crying.

"I can't stand this, not when I know there's someone who can  
help her."

Who Mom was talking to? No idea. But I was back to the couch, and asleep by the time she got back.

I woke up to soft and gentle strokes through my hair, by warm and soft hands I recognized.

My eyes fluttered open, as the fingers traced around bruises, and they made my skin feel light. Tension rose off of my body with every circle.  
I saw who it was, and the fingers matched the face. Clayton.

Did it scare the hell out of me that he was touching me and in my house? Oh yeah. But totally counteracted by the soothing motions.

"Mom," I said quietly. He nodded.

"You never would have called me, and I don't think that me forcing my way into your house would have been a good idea either," he said.  
"I'm sorry," I mumbled. His fingers still danced on sores that generally stung, but now tingled lightly.

"Forgiven. The moment I left your hospital room you were forgiven. I knew you were doing what you thought you had to do. We aren't going to do anything more with us until you feel better. But I'm not going to stay away from you. I'm going to stay right here."

"On my couch?" I giggled.  
Yes. Giggled.

"Sure, why not? " he asked, obviously excited. That was not a fake giggle and he knew it.

"What about our parents 'no sleeping together' rule?" I asked.

"Preempted, for tonight at least. You've slept enough today. His job is to keep you awake all night," Mom said, walking in with Mama Brooks. I jumped up and hugged her tightly, well, as tightly  
as my ribs could handle.

"We're working on some cooking and other motherly things your Mom hasn't figured out yet," Mama Brooks whispered.

Clayton was sitting cross legged on the couch as our Moms descended into the kitchen.

"They're going to make us food. Like all night. Guarantee it." he smiled way too much about that.

I actually felt my stomach growl.  
"Okay, while they make us food, movie, video game, poker, or intense talks about metaphors we barely understand?" he said.

I laughed again. His face lit up.

"What is this?" he held up a copy of Finding Nemo. "Watch it with me? Watch it with me?"

I watched it with him.

And they made us food. All night long.  
And to think I was ready to give up.

-Gracie


End file.
